because watch it, ok?

i liked it.  maybe you like it too.  it's cute.  are you cute?  be cute and watch it, ok?

this should have been a full post

so i guess literotica published this one, and my first comment was:

'Pointless drivel. The reader was tortured more than the "pet"'

i really hope literotica keeps that one. i want everyone to be able to read that, and see what kind of jerk this "anonymous" is. i mean, what kind of name is that, anyway?

really, i wish i knew who that was so i could fuck with them. send them pictures of my arm bleeding all over. "i did this because i know what a joke the universe is. do you think your anger at me makes any difference in the cosmic nothingness we'll all return to?"

today was a good day, because i'm totally sick, and that means i can stay home from work tomorrow and watch tv in my pjs on the couch. and eat pizza. i am as close to invincible tonight as can exist in this world.

also, i've taken a powerful narcotic anti-cough medicine. i may also be invincible because i'm Isis, mother of Horus.

that's...you type it out, and it suddenly seems less likely. so, probably just the drugs now.

this should have been a full post.

hey, whoa? i'm not coughing anymore!

cool!

The Exhibition: The Candle

i finally was able to get this all edited and sufficient that i'm calling it done.

sorry it took so long.

socialism with sammy

i've mentioned before that i think the government should give you a family when you grow up, and that they should give you mac and cheese as a food program.

next idea:

cookie bus.

you know how a regular bus comes on schedule, and picks people up at designated bus stops?

cookie bus is similar: regular schedule, designated cookie bus stops.

but you don't get on, you just get cookies.

chocolate chip, oatmeal, peanut butter, snickerdoodles.  all the cookies.  because it's a bus, and you can keep lots of cookies in a bus.

"one of each please!"

cookie bus is the best idea.

i live in a tiny world of the internet

but, i assume everyone knows Mrs. KC, and all her stuff, and all her pictures?

maybe not?  she had a webpage years ago, and i would go there every friday or so, and check out what had been posted new, and download and horde the pics.

but probably some sort of dickery, and she shut everything down, and it was sad,  but i'd saved a bunch, so i could perv out whenever i wanted "english lady who does leather and stuff, but like all the way, right?"

and then she came back on tumblr, but now maybe she's going away again?

i'm not telling people what to do, but if you have a tumblr, go look at her stuff, and if you like it, do the...like-it? stuff? (i am still bad at knowing how to tumbl.)  it's good stuff.  i like it.  maybe you will too?

anyway, this is just a random "sammy drank too much, and doesn't have much to say, but kind of wants to push that last rant down a bit" kind of post.

oh, that pixiv thing!

also, one late night reminder

no matter what, no matter who we get around us at the end.

we all die alone.  no one else can go down that path with us.

in the end, we'll brave that path untraveled, and no-one will ever be able to help.  and when they reach that path, no one will help them.



this is just how reality is, so it's not worth getting upset over, but...it's worth keeping in mind for that time, right?

dear marcel b,

let's assume you're not just some rando crazy dude.

at which point in my "hi, my name's sammy, i'm a perv, and i live in hawaii.  my parents are of mixed hawaiian and japanese descent, and because my Bachan didn't speak much if any english, i kind of have a passing knowledge of japanese.  mostly things about how delicious her food was.  So So delicious."

anyway, if you thought that meant "totally fluent in...dutch? i guess?" you thought wrong.  i guess i could copy-paste into google and see what you said, but, like... why?

so, then you get this blog post, all to yourself.  where i kind of call you out for being kind of oblivious that not everyone is like you, and you might need to tune things a bit.

and yeah, i know, i'm an american, and we kind of shit all over the world for dumb reasons, so "shut up, bitch, stupid cunt bitch." (first, not anything marcel said for other people, but totally something i've heard before).

let's just everyone admit we're not perfect, right?  let's all just click on that link for Bachan, and listen to that song, and realize how horrible we are in real life to people who probably would be our friends if we'd just let them.  how much we could fix things if we just stopped shutting people out as being different.

ok, fine, i clicked the video so i could link it, and now i'm crying again, and it really has nothing to do with marcel, or anyone.  just a kind of permanent sadness about the world in general, and how much we could all fix shit, if we'd just work together for once in our stupid miserable lives.

and now i'm crying again, and this is totally your fault, marcel.  i could be blissfully un-observant of modern society but now i'm not, and it's because you made me think about things i hate to think about.


i'm going to go cry now, everybody.

thanks for being cool.

except you.  marcel.

<angry face>

new idea

everybody gets mac and cheese.

like, we get the government together, and set up mac-and-cheeseries everywhere across the country.

it's totally free.   you want mac and cheese?  free mac and cheese for you.

and it's good stuff, with like proper cheese, not some shitty powdered stuff.

maybe there's free chicken to go with it.  whatever.  protein is good.

but like, this is a new food program to ensure no one is ever hungry.

and that no one is ever without delicious mac and cheese to eat.  whenever they want.

like right now.

i really want some mac and cheese.

:(

stuff

i saw this news story today, and was kind of surprised.  i was like "holy crap!  i've seen her in something, like an insex video or something!  i remember her crying!"  if that article is right, it sounds like she should win her lawsuit, because that doesn't sound at all cool.  also, it's a shame to hear that she was abused.  it seems like that's a lead in to weird stuff for a lot of people.


then i went and tried to find out where i remembered her, but didn't find anything, but i did find this series which i really liked (the gallery is sorted wrong, so you have to read backwards).  strapped into a big steel frame thingy fully clothed, given an enema (piss enema?), forced to release into her clothes, then strip down and clean it up with her filthy clothes, rinsed off, second enema (i really thought she would end up bathing in the tub she released in), really cool bolted collar and frame chair, boring spanking stuff (sure, ok, it's insex, they do more pain that i really like), then the girl who's been locked in the cage in the background the whole time is hogtied, suspended, and forced onto the first girl's face, so she has to eat her out.  really nice theme, although they could have skipped the spanking and doubled on the filth.

i'm also doing a sequel to the last story, mostly because i had the main idea, and then this secondary theme popped into my head, and it was just too good to not do.  i'd probably have more written by now, but the stupid winds have been from the wrong way all weekend and week, and so it's muggy and unpleasant in my apartment, so writing stuff just gets sticky and not fun.  anyway, just a note.  there might be another after that, because this other idea is kind of cool too, but it won't fit into this one, so it has to go somewhere.

so yeah.

stuff.

i thought this was a good story

Rolling in to Trouble
by Druid5

it's a bit scattered, and maybe could have had some more development on things, but as a series of scenes and scenarios, it's pretty good.

yes, i know, "don't do that", "it's not worth it"

but seriously, i just got a big push, and you have no idea how freeing a good cutting can feel.  you get the pain, and then you can feel the blood rush out, and there's an adrenaline shock that makes it all go away.

until tomorrow, where you're left with that wide gash on your arm, so you try that sweater and the appropriate skirt.

but then people are like, that doesn't match, right?

and it doesn't, but since when have you been noticing my fashion decisions?

and then it totally gets around. "i think sammy's cutting again" and now all the fun is drained out of it

because it's not me rebelling against things now.  it's just me satisfying my co-workers depressive fantasies about me.

which isn't fair.

i should be allowed to be cruel to myself without this scrutiny.  you jerks.

side note: thanks, you jerks, for being the safety net on this.  i'm not kidding about how much i wanted to cut, but you diverted me away.  thanks a super lot.

i was going to post this earlier

i woke up this morning, because i felt something tap on my bed.

"oh, it's little kimchi, my friend's dog"

"wait, no, i'm not on the mainland, i'm at home! who's fucking on my bed!?"

then i felt a spoony-cuddle like my last..um...girlfriend, we'll call her... did.

"HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE, BITCH!"

then my eyes opened, but they didn't open correctly, so my left eye saw my blanket and sheets, and the right was wonky looking up at the wall.

this was when i realized i was having some sort of sleep paralysis thing.

turns out, that isn't super reassuring.  "ok, don't panic, it's all fine.  you just can't move, and you're kind of have to deal with whatever hallucinations your brain can come up with.  but, just keep in mind:  it's all totally fake and not real."

so that's how i woke up this morning, and peed the bed a bit, and then had to change sheets and go back to  bed for another two hours because who wakes up at 5 am?

and really, the panic between "cute puppy!" and "OMG THAT BITCH IS IN YOUR ROOM!" is something i'd like to not deal with again, brain, thanks.

whoaa

have you ever hd a dream, where you wake up, and push everything away, and sit pushed against the wall while your heart stomps in your chest for like forever?

ok, it was only like five minutes maybe

but holy what the fuck?

ok

i'm pretty sure it's time to go puke, because i feel sick right now.

but

i'll come back and sort out details


waking up unhappy and weird is usual

waking up panicked and crying is a totally new thing.

so, what i remember is standing on magic island (it's not in waikiki, but it's close to it.  it's across from the mall).

and there were a few other people:  my best friend (who hasn't talked to me in a couple weeks), someone from the internet (who i kind of only vaguely know enough to picture), and my boss.

but like, the ocean was gone, and just fire and sand.

and no matter what you think of hawaii, it's pretty clear when the world is fucked, right?

so we're all standing there, and bits fall off, and everyone else dies, and i'm left standing there alone on a fragment of sidewalk jutting over the edge of the (not) ocean.  i turn around, and see the rest of the island in various states of "fire" and "blowing up because of fire".

that part of me i know that's still there.  that lives there deep inside, and shouts whenever i get sad, and makes me feel more sad when i hear it shout back?  i heard her again.

"fuck this shit, let's do it."

then i jumped out, over the "i'm pretty sure magic island isn't that deep there" not-ocean.



and there's a smile on face, but



i wake to all this adrenaline making me think i'm going to explode.

ok

i'm pretty sure it's time to go puke, because i feel sick right now.

but

i'll come back and sort out details

you know what's not super fun?

having your brain shout "oh, hey! you know what's fun?  let's take a knife, and slice random parts of our body! 

"we could do arms, or, like, you wear pants to work, right?  so legs then... 

"that tummy is kind of chunky, maybe give it a pass or two!  wheee! fun!"

thanks, brain.  you're a jerk and a jackass.  thanks for shouting that at me while i'm trying to go to sleep.

i mean, seriously.  go fuck yourself.

sigh.

so this is me talking about it instead of doing it.  because i have enough scars, i think.

don't bother commenting or stuff, this is a post for me, not for you.  also: i just learned how to turn off comments for a post.  so.  :-P

so, you should probably follow on the tumblr

because i reblogged like a bajillion things today that you'll probably appreciate, and get off on, and all that.

since, i guess we all just reblog shit on tumblr now.

and, because of that, i've decided that i'm not going to be super sorry that i post weird brain freak out shit here.  it'll be weird brain freak outs and my own fiction.  and i'll try to get the fiction someplace else too, so if you just want sammy's long stuff, you can go to literotica.  or, if you just want to never read anything ever, you'll go to bdsmlibrary.

because they suck at posting things (is the joke).

so yeah.  that's the new situation as of now.  i can boop some new porns for people to see, and then i can rant here about being treated like shit by fucking stranger jackasses who can't be bothered to fucking act like you would if you found a kitten.

i mean seriously.  what the fuck, dude?  i respond and you immediately call me a whore?  was i just someone for you to shout at because you don't like the rest of your life?  at least warn me that i'm suddenly responsible for your unhappy situation so i can figure that shit-fuckery out.

hey

i'm chatting at you.

why aren't you sending me pictures?

you should be cooler, because you like scat.

are those pics coming?

shut up, i'm telling you how cool i am.  i'm super cool.

now you're being a bitch by telling me how much i'm not being nice.  why are you such a fucking bitch?

my dick is huge.  you'd choke on it all night long.

where are those pics?

why do you think you can chat at me?  shut up you stupid cunt!  bitches like you should be raped to sleep!

this bunny

omg

"it means a lot to her"

i wish i could have pets, so i could have a bunny.

omg.

bunnies.

porn tomorrow maybe.  today?  me just freaking out over this super cute bunny being cute all over the place.

pa-too.

dealss with it.

i really really wish

you could have someone

maybe they're assigned to you

so you could flail around like usual

but if you get to be
like
um

thirty-ish

you just get told

"nope, you're part of this family now"

and then you'd probably be their bitch, right?  this cunt assigned to you to take care of?  not  a lot of love there.

but, you get this person.

and that person gets to be owned, and hopefully loved,

such that they don't have to cry themselves to sleep every night, and wish they could fight this social anxiety demon that is always poking their eyes.

a locked cage is better than a comfy bed, right?  as long as you know in the morning someone who loves you will let you out.  i live with the triumph of a comfy bed.  knowing i'll wake up to despair and sorrow.

sorry for the lameness tonight.  just.  i hate life, and being lonely, and sucking at dealing with people.  not your problem, i know, but if i don't share, then this all builds up inside.  follow the tumblr.  it's all me reblogging pics and stuff.  so.  that's there if you just want porn.  i'm trying to come up with a new porn story, but my brain can't get anything organized.  yes, sure, there's that candle one.  but it's kind of shitty, so i'm hoping for another one.

anyway

have a good sunday, ok?

love sammy

frozen

i mean...amazon is sending me the blue ray and the dvd in the mail right now.

but it's still playing at my theater?

i really want to go, with my own copy, and sit through it again in the theater.

sorry, this is just me ranting about how i want to throw money at something because it tickled me in the way i wanted.

but seriously, if you haven't seen it, go go see it.

so here's where you just resign yourself to accepting what i'm going to post, because it's best for everyone, ok?

really, i don't like miley that much, but. .... just give it a try?