but seriously, i just got a big push, and you have no idea how freeing a good cutting can feel. you get the pain, and then you can feel the blood rush out, and there's an adrenaline shock that makes it all go away.
until tomorrow, where you're left with that wide gash on your arm, so you try that sweater and the appropriate skirt.
but then people are like, that doesn't match, right?
and it doesn't, but since when have you been noticing my fashion decisions?
and then it totally gets around. "i think sammy's cutting again" and now all the fun is drained out of it
because it's not me rebelling against things now. it's just me satisfying my co-workers depressive fantasies about me.
which isn't fair.
i should be allowed to be cruel to myself without this scrutiny. you jerks.
side note: thanks, you jerks, for being the safety net on this. i'm not kidding about how much i wanted to cut, but you diverted me away. thanks a super lot.
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