god FUCKING damnit

how is it that every thing is 9000 times more difficult than it should be?

"oh, i'm extra horny, let's buy some toys."

1. order vibe, but it's magically "backordered" the moment i order.  "maybe you'll get it by may?"
2. order dildo, it arrives, but it's too big, and is kind of painful.  that's on me, you just have to accept things might not be exactly like you hoped.  it's at least squishy, so it's not as bad as it could be.
3. vibe arrives, but whoopsie, it's not the one i ordered, it's some fucking ass vibe, which i'm pretty sure i would have ordered a better one if that's what i was looking for, but no, that was not fucking what i was looking for.

so i guess the lesson is, "just order shit from amazon, because amazon at least doesn't fuck things up so much."

fuck everything.  i hate the world.

"oh, pop-tarts!"

"i haven't had pop-tarts in a long time.  i'd kind of forgotten about them," said checkout dude.

"yeah.  huh," replied sammy, realizing suddenly that her shopping list was nothing but junk food, vodka, and grocery store sushi.

"did you see they make carmel combos now?  those are a bit weird," he continues, as she tries hard to find something to add to the belt to fix the situation.

"get some reese's cups!" shouts her brain, and she grabs them from the candy rack and puts the package on top of the sushi.

"yeah, i saw those, but yeah...weird," sammy stumbles out as she faces the fact that adding candy doesn't fix the junk food balance on display.

==

this has been a barely fictionalized version of the horror that happened this evening.

ok, also?

if you're going to have a pet dog, and then tell that dog that they can't go into a room, don't be a fucking jerk about it.

like...

here:

this dog is like, "i want to get this thing back, but you told me not to go in there, but i can't get this thing without going in there! bark bark i am frustrated!"

you have to let that be ok.  i mean.  sure, dogs aren't super smart about everything, since they're dogs.

but, like, they're fucking dogs.  they're not super smart.  if you say "never can go in here," that's like a big fucking deal to them.  they can't like, "oh, but i'll just pop in and get that thing and it's ok."  it's like "MURDER WILL GET YOU IF YOU GO IN THERE FOR ANY REASON!  MURDER MURDER DEATH DEATH DEATH!"



i guess today's point is: reassure your pets.  make sure that your pets know you love them a lot, and that if they make a mistake, you're still totally going to love them, because they're fucking awesome.