it's not really lucid dreaming, i don't think

but the past two nights, i've woken up, ignored an alarm, gone back to sleep, and had what can only be labeled something like "guided interactive storytelling" or something like that.  the first night wasn't as good (zombies and military conspiracy things, and clearly my brain was working through something).

but last night was super weird and feels like the kind of thing I'd have had the energy to turn into a full story in the past.  i'm putting some of it under a cut, so check tags and make sure you're ok with things before you click through.

the story works in three "seasons," like it's a television show or something.

season 1:

we've been sent to a observation base somewhere in the ocean, and are going to be left there to take care of the place and run the observations (of something, idk).  i arrive early, with an actual friend from work (we're going with "Beth" for her name here, b/c it isn't).  we get the initial training, and know that we have to constantly keep an eye out for people trying to break in, and also there are sirens (from mythology) who want to break in as well, and can disguise themselves.  those are the basic rules, so when everybody else arrives, we try to explain it to them, but clearly the other people don't understand.

the first night, someone knocks on the door and claims that they just missed the first boat, and someone let's them in, but they cause trouble, and i realize that this is one of the sirens, and i tell everyone to keep everything locked and closed, and and try to chase them away, eventually driving them into our storage chamber, which somehow has four outside walls, and all the walls have doors, and the doors are all open.  i quickly go around closing and deadbolting all the doors, which are all different, and have different mechanisms, and i shout to Supergirl (from the tv show) to close and lock her door, thankful that she's helping, but she doesn't do anything except stare at the wall, so i push her aside to lock the final door.  a ferret sized pink dragon tries to hide, but i smush it into a corner while taking Supergirl back so we can call someone to come take her away, because she's completely catatonic.  "They" tell me that they'll send a helicopter, and can land it on a ship docked "next door," but we have to cross the ocean to do that.

i woke up a bit here, and when i went back to sleep, it was now

season 2:

same kind of situation, but the base is now like a giant house, and there's a pool and spa area to one side that we can use, but we have to keep an eye out for the sirens still.  there are also a lot more people here, and i'm still some kind of manager.  i try to keep things organized, but in one of the downstairs bedrooms, somebody is tied up on the bed and wrapped up in the sheets and blankets (probably because i was all wrapped up in my own sheets;  i spin in my sleep).  in any case, i try to help release her, but we keep getting turned on, and despite the fact that she's married at home, we have sex, and i eventually get her untrapped.

i head back upstairs and there's a package for me, and i open it up and it's weird and confusing, but there's a bunch of cardboard that i have to fold and build into some kind of display case, and there are a bunch of paper slips that are supposed to go on display.  i read them, and they're super passive-aggressive notes that are like "i hate you and what you did, so this slip is equal to -12 points."  this is weird, because we already have point system, and there's a giant box of board game tokens that anyone can grab a handful of whenever they want to hand them out if they like what people do.  i want to make sure i'm not confusing myself, so i track Beth down to a narrow "booth" like room, where she's watching something on tv, and the booth is like one in a museum or something, where you can watch a video without disturbing other people.  i show her the slips, and she's doesn't understand why they'd be there except to try and cause drama between people.  

next, one of the teens that are here show me a weird box of socks, and as i'm looking them over, i realize they have squishy "paw" treads that are actually gummy fruit candy things in like condom wrappers sewn on the inside of the socks.  it's weird, but i can at least toss them at people and tell them they're a snack.

it starts to get late, and i try to get everyone to come in from the pool, because we should get inside to avoid the sirens, but one person won't move, and is doing the same catatonic thing from earlier and staring at the wall, and i try to get everyone to help get her inside.  when we do, there's an alarm because somebody is trying to break in, and i have to deal with that.  once that's done, the teen comes to tell me that it's dinner time.

Tol and Smol

 i'm not sure this is a thing, but i wrote it, so whatever.

ugh

 holidays mean i have to pretend to be normal enough to talk with family and friends and i just don't feel up to it this year.

my brain did at least decide to provide me with a nice dream:

i'm hiking, with work people i think.  we've reached some weird part where there's a bridge in the path made out of a tree (somehow).  you have to climb up one trunk to the peak where there's a trunk that connects to the ground, and then climb down a third trunk back to the path.

i climbed up the first part, but when i got to the middle, someone pulled me to the side and told me i couldn't do it like that.  i'm taken to this mall like place next to the hiking trail, and bustled around through a bunch of rooms and people until i'm eventually in one large room, and i've been stripped naked.

that's when the Dominatrix appears, and gives some order to someone else, and i again get bustled through a bunch of rooms, and when i'm returned to her, i have a chastity belt strapped on.  she's super angry about this, because that wasn't her order.  it's removed, and she slides a catheter in (with far less pain than it probably causes in real life), and then forces me down to push a double balloon enema plug into my butt.

that's somehow what i'm supposed to use on the hike, and it kind of makes sense in the dream?  something happens here (i think i woke up a bit), and when it's clear again, the sun is down, and it's closing time.  the Dominatrix returns, and tells me that if i've joined the Spaghetti Club, i can go have dinner with someone else (she looks kind, and i realize i am hungry).  i try to explain that i don't know what's going on, but i'm totally happy to sign up for whatever, because i have a week of vacation left, and would rather do fun stuff here than continue hiking.

the Boss arrives, and she brings all my clothes and things stuffed in a bag.  i dig out my credit card, and hand it over, and have to recite something word for word back to her, and then she swipes it and i put it back in the bag before it's taken away.  i don't know how much it costs, but it sounds like it'd be fun.

there's another lapse, and it's much later at night.  i'm sleeping on a kitchen table, which is really thick, and super shiny with all the varnish.  i wander around, and finally find the room the Dominatrix is in, and she rushes to the door.  "sorry, i'm with someone else right now, i'll find you later.  unless he doesn't mind if you come in?"  i wander around some more before finding "my room."

when i wake up (actually, when i go back to sleep after turning off my alarm), i realize i have to bake my ham for dinner today (a real life thing that i didn't get to until 5pm).  i finally find the "kitchen," and try to follow all the instructions on the wall for turning on the oven.  the Dominatrix finds me, and helps me sort out the oven (which involves puzzles and all sorts of weird stuff, like the controls for the oven being attached to a third oven), and i get my ham in to cook.

unfortunately, that's when i woke up for real.  still, it was a really nice dream in which i had nice human contact with someone who was just 100% loving and supportive.

The Cell

a lot of this is fragments that were kind of the foundations for a story that never worked.  this morning i decided to just take the bits i had, and put them together without worrying about "reasons" and "characters" and stuff like that.  this is clearly influenced by some of Thndrshark's stories, along with my own inherent weirdness.

The Cell
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2020/07/the-cell.html

Dream: June 21, 2020

Dream: June 21, 2020
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com

--

haha! i'm garbage!

first up: wow.  good job, me, not pulling out edit notes when you told me you were going to do that!  great, that one person has been like, "uh, sammy, probably a mistake?"

so, hey:

all you

want to edit?  mostly it's "that's not a word, sammy" and "who is this 'captain jerkbutt' character?" and "jfc, is this supposed to have text, or am i just supposed to accept [this comment in square brackets] junk."  this is a serious request for people who can read and note obvious errors quickly.

i can do this too, but i take drugs now, and although they make it so i can re-read things, they also make it super frustrating to wait for a calm me to arrive and reread.

so, hey, anyone interested?

second: whoops, i guess i need to add porn to chapter 3, because my outline just fucked up and put in a bunch of socialist organizing.

this isn't an editable thing, just a warning that it's going to be way left-er than you might expect.

conform or fuck off.  i seriously don't give a fuck which you do.

third: this might end up being less sexy.  when i follow the intentions and drives out, they don't end up quite as sexy as i would like.

i mean, there's lots of predictive "whoa!  this is going to get super HHHOOOTTT!!!"

but, maybe not?

is that a problem?  if i bill myself as a pornographer, but instead deliver manifestos, does that detract from my pornography?

or do i just allow that people who can't accept egalitarian porn are really just assholes?

dream thing

i'm visiting someone, or travelling, or something?

but it's bedtime, and there are like three other people, but they're all mummified, or in sleep sacks, and they're quietly moaning and stuff.  i have an air mattress instead, and i lie down.

a few minutes later, i start to freak out, and for the first time ever, i'm pretty sure i had a panic attack while sleeping.  in the dream, i sit on the floor, and dig my fingers into the carpet, and just hold on as everything goes dark from tunnel vision.  i'm struggling to get my breathing to calm down, but nothing seems to help.

a tall lady who bound everyone else comes over and sits next to me.  she doesn't touch me, but she just talks to me in a soft voice that she's there, and that i'm safe, and nothing bad is going to happen.  i want to ask her to tie me up too, so that i don't have to make any decisions, but i'm just too scared to do anything but claw at the floor.

then i woke up and hugged a pillow until my heart stopped pounding so hard.

an update

still dealing with things in the way i pretend i think sane people do it.  i am taking out trash.  i am murdering bugs with cleaning fluids.  i am wondering if "termites" are something you can treat with regular poisons, since i can't seem to find poisons that do that.

i am wondering if i should just post summaries, and pretend i wrote a story i couldn't pull myself to write.

i have a lot of these outlined stories that i just can't motivate myself to make real.

sorry.

does anyone think that's good?  or sufficient?  i want to write the full story, but i never do.  for like a year, i never do.  if i never write something, what happens then?

so, hey, go look at the tumblr, go get the porn done, look at my sad wikipedia pages, and hopefully be sad in sympathy.

would anyone be happy if i just sketched how things would go, and then never wrote it?  would that ruin any actual stories that i can push out?

i don't know anymore, and my favorite authors seemed to have stopped, so maybe there's just a point where it doesn't click anymore.

i don't even know

It could only be death incarnate.

She looked at the thing, as her groceries clattered to the ground.  It turned to face her, and all she could do was run.  She dashed to the door, fumbling for her keys.  They slipped from her fingers, jangling as they hit the concrete.  She spun around, watching it approach slowly.

It didn't walk right, her mind tried to make sense of it's slow deliberate steps, picking each foot up higher than necessary, almost a strut.  It towered above her, casting spindly shadows of appendages.  Then it spoke.

"You are frightened," the voices said calmly.  There were dozens of individual tones, some male, some female.  "I.  I have frightened you."  It seemed confused by this.

She curled up into a ball, wishing the thing would kill her quickly, and not drag it out.  She found herself in it's shadow as it stood above her.  There were soft feather like touches on her body as it seemed to be inspecting her.  "I did not intend this," the voices whispered.  "I only desired to see things."

She squeezed as tight as possible and sobbed.  After nearly a minute, she opened her eyes to find herself alone, with her groceries sitting in the grass.

i woke up from a dream this morning.

i was laughing while running a dull knife up and down my arm.  “it can’t do anything!  it's not even sharp!"  i looked down at the blade, and noticed it was weirdly pink.  i then looked at my arm, and saw that it was mauled beyond recognition.  "ha.  gross.  people are probably going to notice that."

then i woke up.

The Exhibition: Writing notes

the notes for this one.

let's call this a spooky story, even though it isn't really.

mostly, i just want to put it down so i have some record of it.  it's weird though.

so, like super early tuesday morning, i woke up in my living room on my couch.  this isn't super unusual.  my couch is like ten feet away from my bed, so it's not like i was wandering around a lot in my sleep.  i assume that i got up to pee, and went to the wrong place due to, let's say, "chemical issues."

except when i woke up to go back to my bed, all i could think was "wow, this is an awful lot of pain."

when i actually woke up, my back super hurt, and when i looked at it, there's like a two inch long gash on my right side.  there was also a blood stain on my couch where that point on my back was.

and i have no idea how it got there.  like, nothing else had blood on it.

so i'm saying it was a ghost.  a ghost stabbed me in the back.  or like, lightly sliced by back enough that it bled on my couch.

spooky.

nightmare

i had a dream this morning where i was sitting on my couch getting ready to go to work.  "wait, isn't it the weekend yet?"

"no," said "mother" (not my mom, that's just the name the giant not-human thing sitting next to me had in the dream).  "it's monday."

i woke up in a panic that after working all week, it was actually the start of another work week, and had to check my phone to confirm that it was really friday.

accomplishments!

things i wanted to do today:

1. laundry.
2. buy new jeans.
3. write more stories.
4. change bed sheets.
5. be an for-realsies grown up.

things i did today:

1. be lazy in bed.
2. drive around and see things.
1. dead bird.
2. dead cat.
3. homeless lady pushing all of her belongings on a wheelchair (the belongings were on the chair, not the lady).
4. cool clouds.
5. a super cute chicken, with like a red head and neck, but then it was a black/brown mottle for the rest of the body.  
3. sing song to my food before realizing other people can hear me because i'm in a restaurant.
4. change bed sheets!

i actually did a thing on the list!

things i had to move while changing bed sheets/things that live in my bed:

1. laptop charger
2. phone charger
3. kleenex box.
4. second old empty kleenex box to put the used tissues in.
5. floss.
6. nail clipper.
7. crappy paper file that needs to be replaced.
8. headphones.
9. bag of nuts.

morning porn dream

we're in the garage.  on the couch.  in the garage.  that is there.

but we met on the plane.  "i'm going around the world."

"i'm going home."

"can i visit?"

"sure?"

we're there, on the couch, i'm closer to the house, she's toward the street.

"i don't even know you're name."

"samantha, you surely do?"

"no?"

"katja" she says, the german accent explicit to my ear.

"katja."  i repeat.  remembering something from somewhere.

she sits up, twists, falls down.

i'm buried under her, and i feel her arms wrap around my body, pulling me closer.  "what was that?"

the garage door slides down.  the guy who does...stuff?  rests a bike under the door to prop it open a few feet from the floor.  "something's happened."

a bunch of cats flood into the garage.

katja slinks up onto a perch next to the couch, back arched against the gunshots we're aware of outside.

i gasp, and feel her paw at my face from behind me.

--

and then i wake up, worried about my dear katja.  i hope we share a dream again, as i think we've done in the past.

six early morning half asleep horror dreams

"nightmares" i guess is the word.  then two links.

1.  "61:12"

i'm leaving a meeting at work, and turn the corner in the hallway, only to be stopped by someone from high school.  i haven't seen her since then.  "they're having sex!" she maniacally cackles at me.

"what?"

she points down at a pile of three pink throw pillows next to the wall.  "they're having sex!"

i wander away, and try to find my office.  i open a door, and inside is a brightly decorated place, with all sorts of plants and photos and filled in calendars.  "whoops, wrong office," i think to myself.  "good thing no one was naked inside."  i go down a few more doors, and open my office.  it's completely empty except for my desk and a cardboard box.  it's a drab grey color, and it seems to suck all the color out of everything.  i go in and sit down.

i wake up with a start, realizing that i must have fallen asleep at work.  i look around, but the office door is closed, so no one would have seen me sleeping.  i look at the clock, and it tells me it's 61:12 o'clock.  i get up to look at it, and i see outside the window that the sky is the color of fire, and everything else is a ashy grey color.

2.  "eyes"

i'm at home, watching stuff on youtube.  my laptop screen flashes, and then goes black.  i jab at the keyboard to make it come back, and it shows like three different half illuminated scenes all at once.  the video i was watching, words typing, and some other video.  they're overlaid and mixed together, like it's trying to display all of them at the same time.  i close and open the screen to make it reset, and it eventually switches back to the youtube video.  but it's all wrong.  the tv show or whatever it's from doesn't work right.  characters stop mid sentence and turn to look at me.  it then switches to a different scene, but they all degenerate the same way.

3.  "eyes 2"

i've just gotten out of the shower, and i'm using the one towel that's just slightly smaller than my other towels, so it's hard to pull around and keep closed.  but i'm also at work, and two people from another department have stopped by.  "we need you to do this thing for us," they start.  it doesn't matter that they're not my boss, and that i have no idea how to do what they want because it's not something i know how to do, they keep insisting that i have to do this for them.  while i'm trying very hard to not be completely naked at work.

more people stop by, and set up a conference around my desk.  at least while i'm sitting, i only need to keep one side totally covered.  there are like seven other people talking, and i kind of fade back, letting them all shout over each other about this project they want me to do.  i look up, and they're all staring at me.  not talking, not doing anything else, just staring.  they way they're doing it, it's no longer like they're seven people, but just one mind with seven appendages.

this is the point where i realize that i know it's a dream, and that i can do things.  i'm the thing they're attached to.  i make them all flail their heads around and gibber.  i look away and look back, and they're staring again, but they have no eyes.  i look away and look back, and all their faces are scrambled.  a mouth is added to replace an eye.  eyes replace noses.  but due to some reason, the eyes are identical, as are the mouths.  i can only replace things if everything is the same across all of the people.

4. "car"

i have some friends at my house.  we're going to go somewhere.  i'm going to drive, but my car is filled with trash.  "give me a minute, and i'll clear this out."  i start throwing empty water bottles and fast food napkins into a trash bag, but things don't seem to get better.  by the time i have the front seat done, it's been like an hour of work.  no one else seems to be helping, so i try to see what they've been doing.

i get out of the car, and there is a table and chairs set up in the parking space next to mine.  "where did that come from?"

"your trunk"

"i don't have that.  put that back, because my neighbor might come home and get angry that she can't park in her space."  i start to work on the back seat, but they keep taking more furniture out of my trunk, cluttering up the entire garage.  i walk around, and one of the friends is closing the trunk lid.  "stop that!  i want to see inside!"  she stares at me while she closes the trunk, but before it shuts, i see that there's just a black nothing inside it.

5.  "return flight"

i'm coming home after visiting friends, and i'm trying to check in at the airport.  but there aren't any regular check in lines, just a maze like room filled with different machines.  there are workers standing around, but none of them are helping people find a machine or anything.  they're all labeled like "only for GZYP!"  and "MMM users!"  none of that makes any sense.  i finally stop at one labeled "for YM" and try to check in.  i fumble for a card, and it beeps, and shows my name.  the screen turns on, but it's facing the ceiling, so it's at a weird angle for me.  i see it's hinged, so i pull it up so i can see it better.  however, instead of just being flat, it's showing me like a 3d projection of the plane, with my seat highlighted.  as i move the screen, everything overlaps because they just rotate with the screen.  "it's for taller people," i say to myself.

i keep trying to check in, and i notice that the plane is too short.  those tiny planes don't fly to hawaii.  i click on something, and it shows that i'm flying from san francisco to oakland, then to boston, london, and tokyo.  i start to panic, because it's like all the places i've ever looked at to fly to are in this one ticket.  i look around to see who i can talk to to change it so i can just go home, but no one seems to care.  my breathing speeds up, and i can feel the panic attack hit.

i slump over the machine, and look up to see a group of people walk up to an old lady.  "let us help you get this all sorted out," they say to her.  i wave wildly at them, struggling to not choke as my panicked breathing flutters in and out.  one of the workers looks over at me, frowns, and then continues to ignore me.

6. "ghosts"

i've somehow got some gunk on my fingers, and need to wash it off.  i walk to the "bathroom" in the apartment building (that isn't mine, and i'm not sure what it is).  i see someone who helps me get the door open, and i walk in and turn on the light.  it's not a real bathroom, but a long hallway that turns to the right.  in the corner, there's a sink though.  i walk down to the sink, and glance down past the corner, seeing two or three people going into their rooms.

i wash my hands, keeping my back to the wall because something feels weird.  i look back down the hallway, and there are now clearly two people going into their room.  one is a very old man, and he walks in a halting stumble.  just as he gets to the door, the woman further down the hallway glides to her door.  i look over to get some paper towels, and i look back the way i came.  a short pregnant lady is walking towards me, then turns, and goes to her room.

i look back behind me, and the old man and woman have reset, and are returning to their rooms again.  i start to walk back to the doorway, pausing slightly to avoid the pregnant woman, and then dashing past as she reaches her door.

===

maybe not the best, or even properly scary if you don't have the half-asleep brain state, but since they all piled up this morning, i felt i either had to write them down or proper wake up to flush them out of my head.  i'd forgotten the car one until i started writing, and went back to add that back in.

anyway, link 1.  i think i've linked to this before, but hopefully everyone is reading the sunstone stuff at deviant art.  it's really good stuff.  bondage, sex, realistically misunderstood feelings and relationship stuff.  this one was particularly funny to me.

link 2.  i saw it this morning and it made me giggle, so i'm sharing it here for you too.  i hope pswkua does more short story stuff.

that fun game again, just without fake entries.

• completely empty world.  there's no one else anywhere.
• go to a museum, but end up in a weird sex exhibit.  i was in a room, and there were images on the walls, and sound effects to make it seem like i was there.  so the example i remember best, i could see people tied up and hanging from above, and the sound effects were ropes swishing against the walls.  if you "clicked" on an image, you'd move that direction in the scene, or the walls would change to make it look like that, but it felt like you fell into the new room.
• me trying to find that exhibit in a different museum dream (i woke up a bit).  i found it, but it wasn't the same, and the entrance (which i blocked off with a "closed" sign) showed that it was dedicated to lincoln.  because dream reasons, i guess.
• final part of the museum trilogy:  somebody found two gold coins, so they started digging, and found a bunch of dinosaur bones.
• i know there was another scary one here.
• a big party where i have lots of friends, and we're all sitting around talking, and it's lots of fun, until i realize that this is a dream, and none of it is real, and i'm going to wake up and have a lonely day.  all the dream friends are sad too when i say i have to leave, but they understand and we all get into a car to drive me home.  i wake up when i get distracted because we're driving on a highway that isn't a highway in real life, and when you look down between the sides, you can see an underground highway that totally doesn't exist in real life.

who wants to play a fun game?

which of these options did i have a nightmare about this weekend?

1. creepy tall monster legs outside my office door at work.
2. having an apple watch.
3. accidentally stabbing myself in the neck while sitting on the couch, forcing me to slowly starve and die there because i'm paralyzed.
4. a spooky haunted house that suddenly appears on the second floor of a different building.
5. a dumpster designated for cardboard recycling.
6. being chased while attempting to find a fire hose.
7. falling.
8. meeting an ex in an elevator.
9. trying to stab someone who's attacking me, but the knife doesn't do anything.
10. looking down from my lanai at the street below, only to see someone staring up at me with a super creepy smile.

i think the lesson i've learned is, "even if you're grumpy that you woke up at 7:30 on a day off, don't try to go back to sleep.  that's where horror lives."

today i learned

that "vindaloo" is hindi for "fuck you right in your stupid mouth."

today was a shitty day

mostly because i had a giant panic attack at work, and even my boss was like, "hey, it's ok, don't worry so much."  so.  i guess he now knows that i'm kind of gone crazy.

also, did you know that the maps on craigslist just completely ignore the ala wai canal?  i mean, sure, you don't have to put roads that don't exist, but you can't just pretend that what's clearly water is land.  see?

and no, i'm not looking to buy a mannequin.  i noticed it earlier, and just searched around in "arts and crafts" until i found a result that had the map i wanted to show.  those kid mannequins are creepy, right?

finally, none of these thoughts are related at all.  i just sometimes have thoughts and have to share, but don't have a good place to share them.  so they end up here.

sorry.