Tuesday, April 28, 2015

i'm hungry

or maybe just fake hungry.  i want bread, but like crusty hot fresh baked bread.  with butter.  so i can pull it apart, and spread butter on it, and it drips butter drops everywhere and i don't even care because it's hot and sweet and delicious.

that's....that's far more sexual sounding than i planned.  i am literally just talking about tasty bread.

maybe like dinner rolls or something?

or with cheese!  a pile of gooey cheese spread over hot bread.

i think what i'm saying is that i want a grilled cheese.

not-panic days are easier to deal with, but i still have weird thoughts.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

today has been a bad day

me: "let's do stuff!"
mental illness: "whatever, i'll get you eventually, go do stuff, no one even cares." goes back to reading magazine.
me: "yay!"
work: "um, sammy?  we're going to need you to present some stuff tomorrow.  we knew this last week, but instead of telling you, we thought it was best to just ignore it until 24 hours before we want that done.  so, if you could just get that ready, that'd be great."
me: "fuck"
mi, putting down magazine: "well, if we're going to do that, why don't we think about how great it would be to just cut your thigh up a little bit.  you know, to let off some steam.  get everybody in the mood to write boring presentations.  just a little thigh music."
me&mi: "i should probably just kill myself"

Friday, April 24, 2015

how mental illness is just a fucking asshole.

me: "let's watch stuffs!"
my youtube video: "hi! i could play, but instead i'm going to auto pause because this is how youtube works now.  sometimes we play a playlist all the way, sometimes we just show a few videos then stop.  just how we're doing things now!"
mental illness: "you know, if you cut your arms open, you could probably make that video play without clicking.  just a few slices.  you know.  air out that blood.  exercise it a bit."
me: "what?"
mi: "DEATH!"

so yeah.  sorry.  this is the constant fuzz i fight with everyday.  sorry.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

let's talk about animals!

  1. apparently such a horror as "social spider" exists.  imagine a regular spider, but now they cooperate to feed each other and build super size webs.  i'm seriously sorry that you and i can no longer ever sleep again, because we'll be consumed by demons with eight legs.
  2. albatrosses form same sex relationships.  like over there ---->>>.  i've been to kaena point, which the pbs show told me is where they live.  the road is all washed out and gone, but you can walk there if you're me, 50 pounds and 5 years younger.  but something something no dude albatrosses, so they try girl-girl relationships, and it sometimes works ok.  i love you, gay birds.  keep being cool.
    1. i guess they're laysan albatrosses.  laysan.
      1. i would still run macnear over with a bus.
  3. dogs love everyone so much, i can't imagine a person who doesn't love dogs.
    1. "oh.  this is weird.  not what i'm used to.  ok!  let's go!"
    2. "oh.  this is even more weird.  i don't quite fit.  ok! let's go!"
    3. "oh.  this doesn't work in any way at all.  whatever.  ok! let's go!"
      1. dogs are great.
        1. typo of "gods are great" is probably a lie.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


i was rereading the first bits of the exhibition story.

and there's a "there"/"their" typo.

i am so embarrassed.


"wow, annie's a bitch"

"there's more dialogue than i thought"

"i should probably do a tom cameo, since i totally forgot about him."

but whatever, because i fucked up "their".

ok.  sorry.  i'm done writing.  i'm clearly not up to the task, so i'm just going to light myself on fire and burn and regret not using the right word there.

"wright word they're".

seriously, brain?  this is what we're going to do?  we're going to make fun of the typos i make writing this post?  you do realize why i'm slowly murdering you with vodka, right?

"because you hate..."

because i hate you.  yes.  i hate you so much i can't even put words together most days.

"that might be..."






red panda

little fuzzy bear
i want to give you some hugs
you are just so cute.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

my internet is broked

so i may be quieter and not read email much this week.

i hate it.

like, my only friend is the internet.  having it not work right is horrible.  :(

i love you, internet.  please never leave me.

it'd cost like $3500

i saw a thing about travel, and it was a big trip, and i started thinking about what the biggest trip would be.

"other side of the world.  duh."

but that has a special name.  antipodes.  and it turns out that hawaii is apparently kind of special, because we fall directly on africa in that measure.

so, scrolling down.  Ghazi, Botswana.  ok.  so, is Botswana a cool place?  "According to Transparency International, Botswana is the least corrupt country in Africa and ranks close to Portugal and South Korea.[18]"  huh.  so you're telling me that there's a place i could go, find the exact opposite place on the planet from my apartment, and it's not super corrupt?  what?

ok, let's look closer, because this can't be true.  "The High Court in Johannesburg has described Botswana as a "pariah state not synchronized with the majority of African countries that have either abandoned or are refusing to implement the death penalty". "  ok, but to be fair, oklahoma jus tdecided that smothering people with nitrogen is totes ok, because they "got people to kill, and they got to get killed" (paraphrase).

so yeah.  a not-awful place i could go for super trivial reasons.  and they speak english.  what

do they have cool things to look at?

apparently ghazi is where they raise cattle.  ok.  so wear boots when i try to find my anti-apartment. got it.

travel advisory: USA: "Batswana living in the USA and those traveling to the US are urged to be more cautious in their travels to some areas within the US as safety is of a major concern."  lolololololololol! no matter what, Botswana.  you and i are friends now.  forever friends. <3

ok, here's the important part:  animals i could potentially see if i went there.  like, literally all of the 'animals that don't live here' animals.  they don't have tigers or bears, but that is all the other animals.  also gemsbok.  you're playing antelopes now, ok?

so $3500 + how ever much it costs to go see animals.  you should advertise more, Botswana.  "hey, we have all the cool animals, and we're not run by horrible dictators.  we're super cool."

also i wrote the notes for "office".  assuming my brain doesn't crap out for six months again, it'll be out in less than six months.


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

that moment

when you choose the "z" word to end your big story, and then think "ha ha, such lighthearted nonsense!" and then your brain collates stuff together and you go "oh.  yeah.  that.  plus that other shit.  fuck.  that's just fucking awful.  christ.  i hope no one kills themselves."