Friday, October 24, 2014

i'm unhappy, i'm going to tell you why, and you're going to tell me that it's dumb to be angry at something 142 years old.

i saw a thing about vampires this week, and remembered there was a story "Carmilla" that sounded interesting.  so i read it.

first half of the story: super gay.  this may in fact be the most gay thing i've ever read, and i've read my own stories.  carmilla and laura are totally getting married, and it's wonderful.  sure, you know she's a vampire, because duh, she's obviously a vampire, but whatever.  everybody has something wrong with them.

second half of the story: some other dude comes in and retells the first part of the story from when carmilla totally visited him and his daughter fell in love with her.  but he knows how it works out, and let's just say his daughter didn't make it through all "alive" and stuff.  fine.  it's kind of boring reading the short version of the story we totally just read, though.

third...last part of the story: bing bang boom, the dudes kill carmilla in her grave, and don't tell laura anything, so even though she's the narrator of the whole thing, she let's us know at the end that she had to read this in the official like "vampire police" report.

but it's a massive shame that after building up a great beginning, with a nice style and vague impending doom thing, it ends all "and then we killed her and went out and had tacos to celebrate."  it's just ruined.

plus, there's carmilla's "mom," who's all "i'm super mysterious, but when i return to pick up my daughter in three weeks, you'll totally remember who i am."  but SHE NEVER COMES BACK!  just gone.  you killed carmilla, so now you don't get to know who she is.

and it's stupid.   because my "oh, i bet this is the twist" is so much better than just "LOL< NOPE!"

we get the most introduction to the mom in the other dude's story, and he relates that carmilla is actually related to his dead wife.  so make the mom his stupid dead wife!  she's wearing a mask when they meet at a party, and she's all "we know each other well, and i know all these details about you, blah blah blah."

so, years ago, when his wife died, she didn't really die, she was just killed by carmilla.  she came back, found her descendant, vampire-ized her, and then they went off to run this "babysit my vampire-daughter-who's-really-my-super-great-aunt-or-something" scheme.  then, the reveal when she comes back and uncovers her face and is all, "IN YOUR FACE, LIVING DUDES!" would be so. perfect.

plus, it'd be closer to actual horror than "visiting guests might turn your daughter into a lesbian.  or suck out her life.  one or the other, and since this is 1872, we're kind of scared of both."

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

huh. well that sucks.

so sirjeff of ponygirl fame is closing up.

i guess it isn't so crazy.  i mean, i've been reading his page since before i could honestly click the "enter" link.

it was a big thing on my journey to the weirdo i am today.  "huh.  you can pretend people are animals."

not that horses were big with me.  i knew a girl who once got detention because she kept drawing horses all the time.  like, "fuck this test, i'm going to draw a sweet ass pony!" kind of all the time.

i didn't understand that.  ponies are stupid ugly things, not like cute lap-pets.

dogs, cats, bunnies, small other things that you can put on your lap and pretend are just different kinds of rats.

those were my things, but i didn't really get the whatever until seeing the ponies.

that prepped me for the day i saw Mr Veterinarian's works, and it all kind of clicked together.

ramble ramble ramble, i'm just saying that i'm sad that this bit of my early kink is retiring.

Monday, October 20, 2014

things that aren't fun

falling out of bed, thinking it's fine, and then waking up the next day to discover that your thigh has a giant blue patch, your elbow hurts when you bend it, and that it looks like someone tried to stab you in the shoulder.

i am bad at life.


Sunday, October 19, 2014

number of people i've completely alienated via email in the past week: 2.

that's also the number of homeless people i saw today that i really should have given money to.  i mean, we had a hurricane go by, and i stayed inside and read tumblr and ate pizza.  those guys had to huddle someplace so they didn't get drenched.  the first one i just walked past, and it didn't hit me until i was driving home that he could probably use money more than i could.  i mean, i stopped at the grocery store on the way home to buy new conditioner because apparently purple is the color i like, not red, because red makes my hair smell like acid all day.  so the red bottle is going in the trash, just like those junky shells.  the second one was at an intersection, and he had a sign like "$1.50 each" and he had a pile of newspapers.  i was already feeling guilty, and so i reached down to get my wallet, and he walked past, and i should have rolled the window down, but i pulled out a ten, and was looking in the mirror for him to come back, and then the light changed, and i was in front, so i had to go, and i'm thinking to myself, "well, maybe i'll see another homeless guy on the way home," and then i pulled onto h-1, and continued, "you know, like you see on the highway."


i mean, i didn't even want a paper, because who reads newspapers?  so now that ten sits in my armrest box doodle, but i'm ok telling you that, because you're probably not going to break into my car and steal it.  it's for homeless people when i see them, ok?

and i made such great plans a few weeks ago to stop being a fuckup.  i didn't do any of that stuff i said i was going to do, but i did at least change my sheets today.  clean sheets are so much better, so it sucks when i can't convince my brain to wash them and change them.  the trick i used today was "we need clothes to wear to work tomorrow, so just throw the sheets in with them as well.  duh."

then i was going to sit down and write something, but instead i just reread part two of spa treatment, because that's closer to the porn that i was looking at at the time.


i think i might take a day off this week as a sick day.

Friday, October 17, 2014


i caught the japanese version of let it go on the j-pop station yesterday.

it turns out it's really hard to sing the english version when you have to match the japanese rhythm.  it's just slightly off in some way, so it's super hard to do it.

what's even more hard?

driving while crying because it got to the "here I stand, and here I'll stay!" part, and that's when you usually start crying, so your eyes are all like, "oh, tear time!  woo!"

it'd be great if i didn't just randomly cry every day.  heaven knows i've tried.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

i super hate

trying to not be lame on online dating sites.

because i always fuck up and look super lame.


forever, just :(