so i talked with my regular doctor today, and she was all, "whoa, I got this mail from your therapist, and apparently you're crazy!?"
"oh, yeah...sorry."
"he says you want to try drugs to see if that helps?"
"yeah...cause, you know.......yeah."
"ok, let's hook you up right now, and get this going, because they maybe take time to get going, and omg I never realized you had suicidal thoughts"
"i try to hide them"
"but anyway, let's get the drug bus going! Yay!"
"yay?"
so now i'm taking drugs. everyone (therapist, doctor, pharmacist, internet) all claimed that "oh, you should watch out for drowsiness, because that's super common." doctor and therapist both claimed that that was a good thing, as it'd help me sleep better.
but now it's almost two, and i kind of can't make my eyes stay shut.
anyway, i was looking online for side effects, and found this page: http://www.join-the-fun.com/celexa-side-effects.html. i'm pretty sure they're not real doctors, they're just anti-drug people. whatever. the thing i like is that they list the frequent side effects of this drug. Including:
"mouth"
HOLY SHIT! i'm going to have to deal with having "mouth"?
yes, i know they meant dry mouth, duh. still. sometimes when everything kind of feels like shit, little stupid things like this make me smile and feel a bit better.
then again, that might just be me having a mouth.
try looking at these sites ,,
ReplyDeletehttp://injury-law.freeadvice.com/injury-law/drug-toxic_chemicals/celexa-lawsuit.htm
http://med-facts.blogspot.com/2009/04/lawsuits-and-investigations-against.html
ReplyDeleteso i'm not a doctor, right?
ReplyDeleteand these drugs are totally making me feel weird, and i'm not making that up.
but:
a) i'm not a kid, and my papers here say that only kids have increased suicidal thoughts
b) i have had suicidal thoughts for like two years almost, and i had one earlier tonight. not really a big change it seems to me.
c) i can't sleep and i think that's probably the drug doing that
d) i've been laughing at shit i would have kicked a day ago. i can't claim it's the drug doing it. maybe it's just the placibo effect making me think i feel better, but as of right now, i'm thinking that things aren't quite as terrible as they really are.
so, i know you mean well, and i'm not going to claim that this is something magic that's made me all better. i need to stick with it a bit, and see if it helps like continually. if i wake up tomorrow and burst into tears, i think we'll know it's not working. but if i wake up tomorrow and get up, and not feel like cutting everything i can see, then i'm going to call it a win.
i'm willing to give it a try. considering that i spent last weekend trying to remember where the knives i thought would hurt the least were, i think "laughing irrationally" isn't a bad start to things.
on the other side of things:
i feel twitchy, i got paranoid about the pepper shaker on top of my fridge, and i kind of feel like nothing is real. like it's all a projection or a poster or something. so, not without side effects. still: i don't feel like i want to kill myself as much as usual. i mean, i almost posted some porn earlier today. that has to be an improvement, right?
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI hope it works for you but also be aware of the fact that doctors get kickbacks from drug companies for prescribing their drugs. Here is an article from 2 years ago that was in the Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/04/health/policy/04doctors.html