i hate being crazy

blah.

if you got an email from me and were all, "wtf, this was from two months ago," sorry, i was going through email and realzied i hadn't responded to a lot of them.

i'm really looking forward to this dr appointment this week.  i pretty much spent today in bed crying at random things on tv. fucking bob ross and his stupid show. he's all calm and collected as he paints, and i'm sitting there using my sheet to soak up the tears as they roll down my face.

i just want this to go away. i hate crying at random times for stupid reasons like, "that's a nice tree he painted," and "that house is ugly, hgtv," and "why haven't i eaten in 36 hours?"  i can't watch anything with a real story now, because i either hate the characters for socializing, or i pity them for being just like me. i just want my brain to stop fighting me.

:(