feeling less crazy

another update, yeah?

i've been sticking with the meds, and pretty much as advertised, they've helped significantly.  i don't feel quite as hopeless in my everyday life, and since they make me sleepy, i go to sleep earlier and drink less and even though i wake up super tired, i'm getting up at a normal time most days.

so it seems to be making me less crazy after all.

i'm not saying i'm all cured or anything, because i still kind of think about suicide every day.  it really is a big change though.  instead of before, where it kind of seemed like the only way out of this all, it's a lot less persistent. it's more of a suggestion, like "hey, wouldn't that left arm look way cooler all cut up and bleedy?"

and that's WAY easier to ignore, if you've never had to deal with it.

unfortunately, the side effects are totally shit.  the fatigue i mentioned above, i'm always thirsty, my eyes feel like fcuking sandpaper most days because they're dry too, certain private areas are also moisture challengended, but that's largely due to the fact that my libido is basically zero since i've been taking this stuff.

which, yeah, that sucks, but without the desire, it doesn't feel like much of a loss? does that make sense?

so anyway, woo chemistry for making my  brain less suck.  less woo for the fact that i know this isn't really a great solution, and it'd be better to train my brain to be less meh about everything. i guess that's what therapy is for?