key is wonderful, and accepts that i'm not, and coalesces a brilliant story around the characters.
but i'm not.
because i have so much crazy in my head. there's a lot of nonsense that pecks at my brain all the time.
so i drink a lot, and freak out a lot, and try to make people not like me, because they like me for a reason, and i can't handle that emotion pointed at me.
i wish i wasn't so fucked up. sorry.
but then i switched over to the secondary story that i've been ignoring for a year because it didn't work for me, but then my brain started being shit again, and that level of humiliation worked for me.
"I love your stories because they are about love."
no it's not, it's about this crazy humiliation hospital where people get trapped and have a bunch of forced enemas, and it's all weird and creepy and totally not legal in the real world because we have consent in reality.
"I love your stories because they are about love."
"I love your stories because they are about love."
from my notes:
nicole starts to shake head, sammy reaches over to her and nods.
i wrote that almost a year ago. even then, the point of the story really wasn't the humiliation. it was the acceptance of the love from nicole to sammy.
my stories actually are about love.
huh.
like, i wasn't fucking expecting this. this is like being punched in the face and discovering that you have teeth that work better.
i woke up the next morning knowing that that email was a mess. sorry.
ReplyDeletei saw the email show up, intentionally ignored it for most of the day, read it, and then felt like a jerk.
then i thought more, and tried to write some, and saw that in the notes, and it all just clicked together.
have fun on your collective vacation! :)
i wish i had queso right now. not so much the margarita. i did tequila in college. i am done with tequila forever. that does not sit well in my tummy. it is violent when it returns.
your* email show up. i can't even comment today.
ReplyDelete