i was in high school...or
middle school maybe?
when i first heard them.
all the songs were just so super sad, i just went like, "whoa, what's that guy's problem?"
LOL
except you know the name right, and then things tighten down, and you get sadder as things fall apart. eventually you hear the name again, and plug it into youtube to see why you remember it.
and it's all "enjoy the silence."
and you can't stop crying, because (i'm pretty sure) the last time you heard this song, you were about to eat out someone who meant the world to you.
but now she's off doing something not involving you, and you just have that memory.
someone who you would die for, but who left you behind like the greasy paper of the french fry bag.
so anyway.
i did the social media thing. the dating thing. i got a response. i'm trying to be not-as-crazy as i feel in real life. we'll see how that goes. she seems a bit broken too, so, that's sure to end well, right?
well, i'm here, so let's do the whole thing.
i may come back to this later.
hawaii has kind of crappy radio. i tend to do the NPR and the jpop station. i like that boring shit.
but this morning was a thing about slavery. like for realsies today slavery. people bought and sold to others for things. sex, it seems. it sounded like mostly sex. slavery for sex.
and i was like, "that sounds a lot like annie and sammy."
which sucks. i want to write this fantasy thing that makes my brain better, and it makes me think of the actual people who live in horrible situations like i'm actually describing for my own fun.
how fucked up is that?
a lot. a lot fucked up. that's the answer. and i guess football dudes are beating up their wifes all over the place now? wtf?
so, here's how i rationalize things for myself.
sammy and annie aren't in a slavery thing. annie has this scheme, and sammy is cool with letting annie run the show. sammy totally could claim "no, stop, we're done, stop it all." this next story has that as a topic. i might emphasize it more now. annie's thought is "i think sammy is cool with this, so i'll push her as far as i think she can deal with things." is she wrong? maybe? annie may think that blah is cool, but sammy isn't happy with it. what happens then?
well, they're probably both allegories for my own brain, so they sit down and have a quiet conversation. this maybe isn't realistic.
but like...i hear this news? that's not cool. if you lock someone up, and you obviously have a serious power advantage, you're a dick. this is where i think annie might be a dick. so, she has to think that too, right? we're...the same brain. god damn it, annie. stop fucking crying.
second news thign; if you hit someone, and it's not like an over the knee, ping-pong-paddle as a tool thing, you're a bad person. there are other things. duh. but like...bdsm is this thing here (i'm pushing my hands to my left like i'm pointing at something), and hitting someone because you're angry is this thing (hands to the right, this is a different thing)?
i was spanked when i was little. do you know what i learned? hide things that might be wrong better. i wasn't a big problem child, but that was still the lesson. "don't get caught doing X."
that's not what people who think spanking is cool are trying to do, so it's not working, right?
if you're cool spanking for funsies, that's a different thing. you know what you're doing, i think.
grumblewardch ble ad;lfkja;dfja;sldkfj;aslkdfj;akdjf
sorry for doing another random ramble. i just look at things, and i hear the news, and i try to form it into a thing that makes me not feel horrible. and this week, i've felt kind of horrible.
why do people have to ruin everything?
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