today was pretty much the most horrible day ever

so this is going to be TMI, so i'm going to put it behind a break.  still, i know some of the people who follow here are into some of that stuff, so i'll include some details.

the short version for everyone is that i was sick today, and felt terrible, and couldn't watch tv or surf the net (usual sammy saturday). unfortunately, i also didn't get the pre-vacation stuff i wanted done either. maybe tomorrow (i feel way better now).

however, one result of not being able to soak my brain in other people's stuff is that i had to soak it in my own stuff.  as a result of this, i now have a really nice three-ish part story based on this dream i had.  now i just need to find the time to write it, and get it down so other people can read it and see where i take it.  since the dream was so short, that's really only the first little bit of the story. ;)




ok, for everyone who clicked through, we're going to be talking about a lot of poop.

still here?

ok, so the actual problem was too much poop, and trouble getting it to come out like it usually does.  see, i'm usually really good about that, with like three trips to the bathroom a day.  food goes in, poop comes out, everybody's happy.

except today, i woke up early (7:30ish), and roll over.  that's when i feel something weird like two inches down and to the left of my belly button.  pain.  super pain.  like the worst pain i've ever had ever.  i've had this like two times before, so i at least knew it was constipation and not like "stomach invading lungs" or something.

so i try to poop, and stuff comes out, but that pain doesn't move, doesn't change.  get up, pace the apartment, try again. nothing.  i finally convince myself that it's getting a bit better, and hop in the shower.  that was wonderful.  my showerhead has a pretty crappy "massage" feature, but that worked pretty well on the pain, and the warmth helped, and everything felt better.  maybe i can still run errrands and all that.

nope.  by the time i'm dry, it hurts again.  try pooping. nope.  try laying down. that turns into "rolling around in pain while making kitty sounds."  yeah.  i don't know why, meowing always happens when i'm in pain.

so the shower helped, let's try that again.  again, helps.  i realize this can't be a permanent solution.  that shit needs to get out for that to happen.  so i go to the cabinet, and get out my laxitive from last time.  hmm...odd, why is there dust in here?

fucking bugs ate my fucking exlax.

i hate bugs.

so, that's not going to help.  back into the shower.

that's how the day went for awhile.  shower, dry off, roll around in pain, shower again because that's the only way to get the pain to subside enough for my brain to actually try to come up with a solution.  i also discovered around the second shower that i was way dehydrated.  i tried drinking juice, then sprite, then water.  the results? puke, puke, puke.  basically, anything i put in came back out an hour later.  i think part of it was stress related.  i tend to puke when i have panic attacks, and i think i was triggering those with the straining and the pain and the generally feeling crappy.

if i can't chemically fool the shit into coming out, i'll go in and get it.  i have an enema bag and a set of tips.  i'm not in a playing mood, though, so i just go with the regular one.  i go with a less than ideal shower based strategy, so i can keep the pain down while i try this.  fill bag, insert pipe, kneel down and bow (you know?), fill, stand up, slosh around a bit, go for japanese toilet style crouch to release.

i don't like japanese toilets, because i always feel like i'm going to fall, so i balance on my tiptoes, and that just makes them hurt after a few minutes of straining and pushing.  plus, when you're doing that in the shower, you get poop all over your feet.  yes, i know i like posting scat pictures of girls covered in poop and eating it and smiling, but sorry, that's still in the fantasy category for me.

enemas 1-3 helped get some remnants out, but i could tell that whatever was causing the pain was still there.  get out, try toilet pooping, writhe in pain a bit, repeat.  enema 4 was useless.  filled, gushed out, no results.

5 was the breaking point.  the stuff that came out was chunky, so something was happening.  it also had a horrible horrible smell, suggesting that sammy needs to not eat so much junk food when she's stressed out.  however, since the previous stuff wasn't so stinky, it at least meant that i was getting out the stuff that was the problem from higher up.

6 was mostly a "hey, it can't hurt to try one more time." no, it didn't hurt at all.  i can't still feel that there's a bit more pressure than i'd like, but i'm pretty sure i got the majority out with that one.  this also gave me the break i needed to get out of the shower and go try to find solutions.

throw on clothes, ignore my rat's nest of hair, drive to supermarket, buy new exlax (this is a tablet?  eat that, you fucking bugs!) bottles of water, bananas, that yogurt that makes you poop, spicy tuna roll (because i was hungry at this point, and it looked edible without much work).  return home, take pill, eat a banana, lie down and apologize to my feet.  it turns out that standing in the shower for like 6+ hours is really not the best thing to do.  i am lucky that i live in an apartment building with a bunch of apartments in it, so it can have a big water heater that allows sick sad girls to take an all day shower without getting cold.

but yeah, feel a bunch better, and i'm hoping tomorrow morning there's a torrent of poop shooting out of my butt.