sorry.

i don't even remember what it was all about, i just remember it started with me feeling dumb because of anxiety.  so now it's gone, and if you left the comment, sorry but i didn't read that either, i just marked the email as read.  i just had to have the whole thing go away to stop the "you said something stupid" anxiety.

which is kind of always here, and i know it makes me super needy and whiny.  i hate that about me, too.  it sucks have a voice constantly telling me that i'm not good at anything, and that anything good that i do is just an accident, or that it's shit too, i'm just too dumb to realize it.  it double sucks when that voice is your voice, or at least similar enough to the voice you use when you sing along in the car.  out of key.

and i ramble a lot.  i think it's to try and redirect the conversation to stupid crap that doesn't mean anything so i don't have to feel stressed about it.

one issue is that i'm going on vacation, and that's always super stressful for me.  you know, like how it isn't for normal people who can look forward to doing something that's not the same day-to-day shit.

and now i'm sad because the japanese travel show i watch just showed a dead bird.  this show is from 1995 or something, sammy.  that bird was going to be dead by now anyway.  :(  it was a pretty green bird.  mejiro?

anyway, i took the time to schedule a therapy appointment, since not trying therapy clearly isn't working.  so, hopefully i'll be better in july.  because that's when you get an appointment now, i guess.  thanks, obama.  like a serious thanks, though, for helping people get health care so they can get therapy if they need it.