it's not really lucid dreaming, i don't think

but the past two nights, i've woken up, ignored an alarm, gone back to sleep, and had what can only be labeled something like "guided interactive storytelling" or something like that.  the first night wasn't as good (zombies and military conspiracy things, and clearly my brain was working through something).

but last night was super weird and feels like the kind of thing I'd have had the energy to turn into a full story in the past.  i'm putting some of it under a cut, so check tags and make sure you're ok with things before you click through.

the story works in three "seasons," like it's a television show or something.

season 1:

we've been sent to a observation base somewhere in the ocean, and are going to be left there to take care of the place and run the observations (of something, idk).  i arrive early, with an actual friend from work (we're going with "Beth" for her name here, b/c it isn't).  we get the initial training, and know that we have to constantly keep an eye out for people trying to break in, and also there are sirens (from mythology) who want to break in as well, and can disguise themselves.  those are the basic rules, so when everybody else arrives, we try to explain it to them, but clearly the other people don't understand.

the first night, someone knocks on the door and claims that they just missed the first boat, and someone let's them in, but they cause trouble, and i realize that this is one of the sirens, and i tell everyone to keep everything locked and closed, and and try to chase them away, eventually driving them into our storage chamber, which somehow has four outside walls, and all the walls have doors, and the doors are all open.  i quickly go around closing and deadbolting all the doors, which are all different, and have different mechanisms, and i shout to Supergirl (from the tv show) to close and lock her door, thankful that she's helping, but she doesn't do anything except stare at the wall, so i push her aside to lock the final door.  a ferret sized pink dragon tries to hide, but i smush it into a corner while taking Supergirl back so we can call someone to come take her away, because she's completely catatonic.  "They" tell me that they'll send a helicopter, and can land it on a ship docked "next door," but we have to cross the ocean to do that.

i woke up a bit here, and when i went back to sleep, it was now

season 2:

same kind of situation, but the base is now like a giant house, and there's a pool and spa area to one side that we can use, but we have to keep an eye out for the sirens still.  there are also a lot more people here, and i'm still some kind of manager.  i try to keep things organized, but in one of the downstairs bedrooms, somebody is tied up on the bed and wrapped up in the sheets and blankets (probably because i was all wrapped up in my own sheets;  i spin in my sleep).  in any case, i try to help release her, but we keep getting turned on, and despite the fact that she's married at home, we have sex, and i eventually get her untrapped.

i head back upstairs and there's a package for me, and i open it up and it's weird and confusing, but there's a bunch of cardboard that i have to fold and build into some kind of display case, and there are a bunch of paper slips that are supposed to go on display.  i read them, and they're super passive-aggressive notes that are like "i hate you and what you did, so this slip is equal to -12 points."  this is weird, because we already have point system, and there's a giant box of board game tokens that anyone can grab a handful of whenever they want to hand them out if they like what people do.  i want to make sure i'm not confusing myself, so i track Beth down to a narrow "booth" like room, where she's watching something on tv, and the booth is like one in a museum or something, where you can watch a video without disturbing other people.  i show her the slips, and she's doesn't understand why they'd be there except to try and cause drama between people.  

next, one of the teens that are here show me a weird box of socks, and as i'm looking them over, i realize they have squishy "paw" treads that are actually gummy fruit candy things in like condom wrappers sewn on the inside of the socks.  it's weird, but i can at least toss them at people and tell them they're a snack.

it starts to get late, and i try to get everyone to come in from the pool, because we should get inside to avoid the sirens, but one person won't move, and is doing the same catatonic thing from earlier and staring at the wall, and i try to get everyone to help get her inside.  when we do, there's an alarm because somebody is trying to break in, and i have to deal with that.  once that's done, the teen comes to tell me that it's dinner time.

Tol and Smol

 i'm not sure this is a thing, but i wrote it, so whatever.

ugh

 holidays mean i have to pretend to be normal enough to talk with family and friends and i just don't feel up to it this year.

my brain did at least decide to provide me with a nice dream:

i'm hiking, with work people i think.  we've reached some weird part where there's a bridge in the path made out of a tree (somehow).  you have to climb up one trunk to the peak where there's a trunk that connects to the ground, and then climb down a third trunk back to the path.

i climbed up the first part, but when i got to the middle, someone pulled me to the side and told me i couldn't do it like that.  i'm taken to this mall like place next to the hiking trail, and bustled around through a bunch of rooms and people until i'm eventually in one large room, and i've been stripped naked.

that's when the Dominatrix appears, and gives some order to someone else, and i again get bustled through a bunch of rooms, and when i'm returned to her, i have a chastity belt strapped on.  she's super angry about this, because that wasn't her order.  it's removed, and she slides a catheter in (with far less pain than it probably causes in real life), and then forces me down to push a double balloon enema plug into my butt.

that's somehow what i'm supposed to use on the hike, and it kind of makes sense in the dream?  something happens here (i think i woke up a bit), and when it's clear again, the sun is down, and it's closing time.  the Dominatrix returns, and tells me that if i've joined the Spaghetti Club, i can go have dinner with someone else (she looks kind, and i realize i am hungry).  i try to explain that i don't know what's going on, but i'm totally happy to sign up for whatever, because i have a week of vacation left, and would rather do fun stuff here than continue hiking.

the Boss arrives, and she brings all my clothes and things stuffed in a bag.  i dig out my credit card, and hand it over, and have to recite something word for word back to her, and then she swipes it and i put it back in the bag before it's taken away.  i don't know how much it costs, but it sounds like it'd be fun.

there's another lapse, and it's much later at night.  i'm sleeping on a kitchen table, which is really thick, and super shiny with all the varnish.  i wander around, and finally find the room the Dominatrix is in, and she rushes to the door.  "sorry, i'm with someone else right now, i'll find you later.  unless he doesn't mind if you come in?"  i wander around some more before finding "my room."

when i wake up (actually, when i go back to sleep after turning off my alarm), i realize i have to bake my ham for dinner today (a real life thing that i didn't get to until 5pm).  i finally find the "kitchen," and try to follow all the instructions on the wall for turning on the oven.  the Dominatrix finds me, and helps me sort out the oven (which involves puzzles and all sorts of weird stuff, like the controls for the oven being attached to a third oven), and i get my ham in to cook.

unfortunately, that's when i woke up for real.  still, it was a really nice dream in which i had nice human contact with someone who was just 100% loving and supportive.

Dream: June 21, 2020

Dream: June 21, 2020
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com

--

a new story?

maybe.

this was another dream fragment that i embellished and made make sense.  i have more that could be future chapters, but i'm worried it'll get stuck in my head like all my other stories seem to do.  maybe i just need to bite off smaller chunks, and leave things hanging if i can't make the words work right.

anyway, here's the start of a story that might never be finished, let me know if you enjoy it.

also, like in all the movies, this is a "not based on anyone or anything or any whatever, it's all made up fiction and stuff" kind of thing.  so don't try to wizard-of-oz it and figure out who is william jennings bryant or whatever.

i did finally figure out how to solve the problem i had

i couldn't figure out how to get past a story blocker.  i knew what i wanted to have happen, i just couldn't figure out how to make it happen and seem normal.  conveniently, i also really wanted to put in a reference, but felt it might be out of place.

turns out (b) solves problem (a) perfectly.

so now i just have to write it down.

--

i had a dream last night.  i was a cop (yeah, right), and we were called out to investigate this old factory in the middle of a farm.  or at least surrounded by crops.  there were all sorts of weird things at the factory, but nothing was illegal, so we had to leave.  the "weird things" were like metal train rails embedded in the floor, and a bunch of steel chairs and posts and things that could only move along the rails.  the two weirdest things were a huge cage and an area where a bunch of chairs had been arranged around a stage, which also had a cage welded onto the floor (all of this stuff was on the rails).  when we were leaving, we saw some people in the distance, but couldn't ask them questions because nothing illegal was happening.

so we left, and the cops/we decided to circle around and look through the fields.  i then got there (because dream) from a bar, and so i was kind of drunk, we start searching the fields, and find a bunch of dead bodies hidden, and start to investigate when we're attacked.  i get one of the guns out of the cop car trunk, but it doesn't work against a big scary guy who comes down the road.  i pass out, and when i wake up, i find that i'm naked and handcuffed in my cop car, but one of the guys from the factory is driving it.  i'm taken back to the factory, and put into one of the cages, which is too heavy for me to move.

there's a bit about the weird 7-11 place inside the factory, and i make fun of the guys because the dream logic is breaking down, and they don't like that, but like, one whole wall just doesn't exist now, and that's not the right way to run your illegal prison camp, i mean, seriously, are you people even good at anything?

and then i woke up.

--

today somebody else favorited my pettification story on hf, and when i looked at their profile, i saw that they charge people to write stories at like $1/100 words.  that made me look at how long my stories are, and i'm apparently dumb for giving away free porn.

oh well.

dream thing

i'm visiting someone, or travelling, or something?

but it's bedtime, and there are like three other people, but they're all mummified, or in sleep sacks, and they're quietly moaning and stuff.  i have an air mattress instead, and i lie down.

a few minutes later, i start to freak out, and for the first time ever, i'm pretty sure i had a panic attack while sleeping.  in the dream, i sit on the floor, and dig my fingers into the carpet, and just hold on as everything goes dark from tunnel vision.  i'm struggling to get my breathing to calm down, but nothing seems to help.

a tall lady who bound everyone else comes over and sits next to me.  she doesn't touch me, but she just talks to me in a soft voice that she's there, and that i'm safe, and nothing bad is going to happen.  i want to ask her to tie me up too, so that i don't have to make any decisions, but i'm just too scared to do anything but claw at the floor.

then i woke up and hugged a pillow until my heart stopped pounding so hard.

i woke up from a dream this morning.

i was laughing while running a dull knife up and down my arm.  “it can’t do anything!  it's not even sharp!"  i looked down at the blade, and noticed it was weirdly pink.  i then looked at my arm, and saw that it was mauled beyond recognition.  "ha.  gross.  people are probably going to notice that."

then i woke up.

The Exhibition: Writing notes

the notes for this one.

party dream

we're all outside, and having this giant picnic.  i know no one there, but am offered enough drinks that i eventually get to a stable point where it's not just a giant panic attack.

"hey, we're going to go watch the movie!" so we all start heading inside.

she walks up, holding a garbage bag.  "is that empty?" she asks, pointing at the champagne bottle sitting next to me in the grass.  i pick it up, and swirl it, and we both see that it's still about half full.  "seems like a waste.  pop it open."  just from the swirling, it's become agitated and the cork pops out (ok, so it hits the wall, so we're inside now?  dream scenery is hard).

she takes the bottle, and takes a long drink before passing it back to me to finish.  she then takes my hand and we go off to watch the movie.


which is a documentary about tax collection in england.  because why not.  it's a dream, so you can watch anything at all.

nightmare

i had a dream this morning where i was sitting on my couch getting ready to go to work.  "wait, isn't it the weekend yet?"

"no," said "mother" (not my mom, that's just the name the giant not-human thing sitting next to me had in the dream).  "it's monday."

i woke up in a panic that after working all week, it was actually the start of another work week, and had to check my phone to confirm that it was really friday.

morning porn dream

we're in the garage.  on the couch.  in the garage.  that is there.

but we met on the plane.  "i'm going around the world."

"i'm going home."

"can i visit?"

"sure?"

we're there, on the couch, i'm closer to the house, she's toward the street.

"i don't even know you're name."

"samantha, you surely do?"

"no?"

"katja" she says, the german accent explicit to my ear.

"katja."  i repeat.  remembering something from somewhere.

she sits up, twists, falls down.

i'm buried under her, and i feel her arms wrap around my body, pulling me closer.  "what was that?"

the garage door slides down.  the guy who does...stuff?  rests a bike under the door to prop it open a few feet from the floor.  "something's happened."

a bunch of cats flood into the garage.

katja slinks up onto a perch next to the couch, back arched against the gunshots we're aware of outside.

i gasp, and feel her paw at my face from behind me.

--

and then i wake up, worried about my dear katja.  i hope we share a dream again, as i think we've done in the past.

six early morning half asleep horror dreams

"nightmares" i guess is the word.  then two links.

1.  "61:12"

i'm leaving a meeting at work, and turn the corner in the hallway, only to be stopped by someone from high school.  i haven't seen her since then.  "they're having sex!" she maniacally cackles at me.

"what?"

she points down at a pile of three pink throw pillows next to the wall.  "they're having sex!"

i wander away, and try to find my office.  i open a door, and inside is a brightly decorated place, with all sorts of plants and photos and filled in calendars.  "whoops, wrong office," i think to myself.  "good thing no one was naked inside."  i go down a few more doors, and open my office.  it's completely empty except for my desk and a cardboard box.  it's a drab grey color, and it seems to suck all the color out of everything.  i go in and sit down.

i wake up with a start, realizing that i must have fallen asleep at work.  i look around, but the office door is closed, so no one would have seen me sleeping.  i look at the clock, and it tells me it's 61:12 o'clock.  i get up to look at it, and i see outside the window that the sky is the color of fire, and everything else is a ashy grey color.

2.  "eyes"

i'm at home, watching stuff on youtube.  my laptop screen flashes, and then goes black.  i jab at the keyboard to make it come back, and it shows like three different half illuminated scenes all at once.  the video i was watching, words typing, and some other video.  they're overlaid and mixed together, like it's trying to display all of them at the same time.  i close and open the screen to make it reset, and it eventually switches back to the youtube video.  but it's all wrong.  the tv show or whatever it's from doesn't work right.  characters stop mid sentence and turn to look at me.  it then switches to a different scene, but they all degenerate the same way.

3.  "eyes 2"

i've just gotten out of the shower, and i'm using the one towel that's just slightly smaller than my other towels, so it's hard to pull around and keep closed.  but i'm also at work, and two people from another department have stopped by.  "we need you to do this thing for us," they start.  it doesn't matter that they're not my boss, and that i have no idea how to do what they want because it's not something i know how to do, they keep insisting that i have to do this for them.  while i'm trying very hard to not be completely naked at work.

more people stop by, and set up a conference around my desk.  at least while i'm sitting, i only need to keep one side totally covered.  there are like seven other people talking, and i kind of fade back, letting them all shout over each other about this project they want me to do.  i look up, and they're all staring at me.  not talking, not doing anything else, just staring.  they way they're doing it, it's no longer like they're seven people, but just one mind with seven appendages.

this is the point where i realize that i know it's a dream, and that i can do things.  i'm the thing they're attached to.  i make them all flail their heads around and gibber.  i look away and look back, and they're staring again, but they have no eyes.  i look away and look back, and all their faces are scrambled.  a mouth is added to replace an eye.  eyes replace noses.  but due to some reason, the eyes are identical, as are the mouths.  i can only replace things if everything is the same across all of the people.

4. "car"

i have some friends at my house.  we're going to go somewhere.  i'm going to drive, but my car is filled with trash.  "give me a minute, and i'll clear this out."  i start throwing empty water bottles and fast food napkins into a trash bag, but things don't seem to get better.  by the time i have the front seat done, it's been like an hour of work.  no one else seems to be helping, so i try to see what they've been doing.

i get out of the car, and there is a table and chairs set up in the parking space next to mine.  "where did that come from?"

"your trunk"

"i don't have that.  put that back, because my neighbor might come home and get angry that she can't park in her space."  i start to work on the back seat, but they keep taking more furniture out of my trunk, cluttering up the entire garage.  i walk around, and one of the friends is closing the trunk lid.  "stop that!  i want to see inside!"  she stares at me while she closes the trunk, but before it shuts, i see that there's just a black nothing inside it.

5.  "return flight"

i'm coming home after visiting friends, and i'm trying to check in at the airport.  but there aren't any regular check in lines, just a maze like room filled with different machines.  there are workers standing around, but none of them are helping people find a machine or anything.  they're all labeled like "only for GZYP!"  and "MMM users!"  none of that makes any sense.  i finally stop at one labeled "for YM" and try to check in.  i fumble for a card, and it beeps, and shows my name.  the screen turns on, but it's facing the ceiling, so it's at a weird angle for me.  i see it's hinged, so i pull it up so i can see it better.  however, instead of just being flat, it's showing me like a 3d projection of the plane, with my seat highlighted.  as i move the screen, everything overlaps because they just rotate with the screen.  "it's for taller people," i say to myself.

i keep trying to check in, and i notice that the plane is too short.  those tiny planes don't fly to hawaii.  i click on something, and it shows that i'm flying from san francisco to oakland, then to boston, london, and tokyo.  i start to panic, because it's like all the places i've ever looked at to fly to are in this one ticket.  i look around to see who i can talk to to change it so i can just go home, but no one seems to care.  my breathing speeds up, and i can feel the panic attack hit.

i slump over the machine, and look up to see a group of people walk up to an old lady.  "let us help you get this all sorted out," they say to her.  i wave wildly at them, struggling to not choke as my panicked breathing flutters in and out.  one of the workers looks over at me, frowns, and then continues to ignore me.

6. "ghosts"

i've somehow got some gunk on my fingers, and need to wash it off.  i walk to the "bathroom" in the apartment building (that isn't mine, and i'm not sure what it is).  i see someone who helps me get the door open, and i walk in and turn on the light.  it's not a real bathroom, but a long hallway that turns to the right.  in the corner, there's a sink though.  i walk down to the sink, and glance down past the corner, seeing two or three people going into their rooms.

i wash my hands, keeping my back to the wall because something feels weird.  i look back down the hallway, and there are now clearly two people going into their room.  one is a very old man, and he walks in a halting stumble.  just as he gets to the door, the woman further down the hallway glides to her door.  i look over to get some paper towels, and i look back the way i came.  a short pregnant lady is walking towards me, then turns, and goes to her room.

i look back behind me, and the old man and woman have reset, and are returning to their rooms again.  i start to walk back to the doorway, pausing slightly to avoid the pregnant woman, and then dashing past as she reaches her door.

===

maybe not the best, or even properly scary if you don't have the half-asleep brain state, but since they all piled up this morning, i felt i either had to write them down or proper wake up to flush them out of my head.  i'd forgotten the car one until i started writing, and went back to add that back in.

anyway, link 1.  i think i've linked to this before, but hopefully everyone is reading the sunstone stuff at deviant art.  it's really good stuff.  bondage, sex, realistically misunderstood feelings and relationship stuff.  this one was particularly funny to me.

link 2.  i saw it this morning and it made me giggle, so i'm sharing it here for you too.  i hope pswkua does more short story stuff.

tuesday morning dream stuff

do i put these behind a cut?  looks like no.  this one is a bit weird, and i'm probably forgetting details that might make it less weird.  also, it starts off horror, and then turns into romance.  because brain?  anyway:

--

i'm in a new town.  i'm wandering down the streets, with all sorts of closed shops and things.  suddenly, a bunch of people come running around a corner.  "don't go that way!"  they continue past me, and i wander into the intersection to see what's going on.  more people are there, but they're dismembered and bleeding, or stuck in the walls and street.

because it's literally a "new town."  it's still being constructed in the dream, and as the buildings and blocks form, they're killing anyone who's trapped in that area.  i turn back to where i came from, and despite there not being enough time for this to happen, one of the streets is now blocked off with cardboard boxes and things that are taped to the walls, and extend up to the tops of the building.  the people who ran past did this to make sure no one went down the bad street.

i find the building i came out of, but there's shouting and stuff coming from inside.  it feels like a bank, maybe, and i'm at the "back alley side door" that banks totally have.  i open the door a crack, and there's a guy inside with a gun who'd taken everyone hostage.  he rushes toward me, but i pull a pen from my pocket and stab him.  like a bunch.  i remember feeling the pen tip hit a rib, and then slide toward a gap to continue in.  that gave me a new target to aim for.

i half wake up, because this is pretty messed up.

--

it's later.  the town is finished, although it's always dark here, because it's under a highway intersection.  my house is two blocks away from that bank, and one evening, i decide to go buy a book.  i don't bother putting on shoes, because the book store is next door to my house.

i wander around the book store, when i notice another girl looking at similar books as me.  we start talking, and we have a bunch of things in common.  we leave the book store (and we both had groups of friends there at this point, but we ditch them), and are running around in a park.  it's night time now, way later than it should be if time worked right.

she comes up with a "game" to play.  she picks up a long hard stick, and chases me around and spanks my butt with it.  i grab my own stick, and use it to defend myself, and to spank her.  she's using hers like a baseball bat, kind of.  mine is more flexible, and i'm holding one end, "underhand" if that makes sense, so that when i flex my wrist, it whips out to my side.

we eventually collapse into a pile on the ground, laughing.  i say something about going home, and she says, "no, this is where i live."  i'm confused, but then she kind of melts into the ground, because she's a fairy.  a city park fairy, who lives next to that one bush, i guess.  i'm still confused, but i get up, and walk to the street, where i meet her friends, who are going home to the park (they're fairies too).

i wake up for real here, with the standard sad feeling of loneliness i get after these kind of dreams.

sunday morning dream stories

i'm visiting my friend, who somehow now live at the top of a high rise that's mostly abandoned.  it's filled with animals, as she's just brought in six chickens to go with a bunch of cats and a pile of puppies.  i reach down to pet a pug puppy, and it just bites me on the finger and looks at me like, "sorry, i have to bite you now, because i'm super tough."

--

something about elevators not working in the parking garage.

--

i make it down to the mall at the bottom of the elevator (sure), and stumble upon a bakery/cafe.  it's super small, with not much room inside.  the first three times i try to go in, other people sneak past and fill the store while i'm opening the door.  the final time, i keep holding the door open, as the last group of people are just standing in the doorway talking to people on both sides.  i swing the door all the way back, and think about if it's possible to crush my head between the door and the wall.

but then the cafe clears, and i can go in and order.  the menu is on a bunch of cards scattered on the counter, and they have a tv menu, but it never changes to the menu screens, just like pictures of cakes and things.  the owner is at the counter, and she asks what i want, and then describes a delicious sounding cake.  "it's a pie," she insists, "and in the corners, it's like starburst candies."  that doesn't sound good now, but it totally does in dream world.  "it's $17.16"  wow, ok, that's kind of expensive, but it sounds good. "it's $7.16" ok, that's a better deal, i'll have that.  "no, you have to say it right."  there's this long script of how to order, where it's all, "after thinking things through, and considering all the options, the menu item i imply (i read it as insist, saw it was imply, decided that doesn't make sense, and continued again with insist) i have is that pie you just described."

"oh, that's special order.  we don't have any."  i'm beginning to hate this lady.

"then give me that sandwich, with the swiss."  i point to the tv, just as it flips off the page with the sandwiches.  she pushes a random sandwich thing that flips a bunch of cards to make one with swiss.  "no, no, the..." i start shuffling through the menu pages, trying to find the sandwich page, and when i do, there aren't just the six or whatever from the tv, it's like dozens.  and they all look super yummy, although i'm pretty sure my brain just invented fake-french words to use as ingredients.  the owner goes into the back, and i see they have soup too, and a cup of french onion soup sounds yummy, so i decide to get that, and "the swiss and mushroom sandwich" and a plain grilled cheese with three cheeses, so i can try out two of their breads.  but no one is there to take my order, and i turn around and the place is way bigger than before, and it's full of people who are angry at me that i'm taking so long, because they want to order too.

and that's when simulated social anxiety caused me to wake up from a nightmare about grilled cheese.

it's not your fault, grilled cheese.  i will love you forever. <3

saturday morning dream stories

i'm at work, but i'm grumpy because i haven't eaten lunch, and i brought a thing to microwave, but it claims it takes 9 minutes to heat up.  so instead of doing that, i'm being more grumpy.

--

suddenly "a coworker" (who doesn't exist in real life, so is just here for the dream, i guess) shows up.  she pulls down my pants and underwear, and pushes me down on the bed (dream world!).  i try to figure out what she's doing, and cover up, but she grabs my arms, stuffs them under my tummy, and pulls them out on the opposite side.  "stay like that."

she then sits between my legs, and does quick smacks with her hands on my ass.  i try to squirm away, but she grabs my ankles and pulls me back.  next she bends down and spreads my cheeks apart, and i can feel her scraping with a fingernail.  "look what i found," she says as she dives up next to me on the bed.  she holds out her finger, and there's a tiny bit of poop on it.  "looks like you didn't wipe enough.  what should we do with this?"  i grab a kleenex and wipe her finger as she laughs.  "i think maybe you should come by and i'll inspect you to see if you're clean."

she rolls around, and has my ass on her lap to spank it (there's a weird geometry thing here.  she was lying on my left side, but after setting it up is now on my right side).  afterwards, i'm crying, and slide back off of her, and i give her a kiss on her right thigh, in the fold just where it meets her hip.  she laughs and squeezes me in a big warm hug.

(this is where i woke up with my right leg trapped in the sheets, and my blanket curled up around my head.  but then i went back to sleep:)

--

we're at a vacation "spa"/"camp"/"such a place doesn't exist" thing.  it's underground and dark and dingy.  i'm super embarrassed, and worried, because we're not supposed to be dating since we work together (or something like that).  we're choosing our showers, because it's like a dorm bathroom or something.  the showers are even darker and dingier, and i don't understand how i'm supposed to get clean in them.  she chooses one, and points for me to take the one opposite it.  she steps into hers, and flashes me, making me flush bright red while she just giggles.

(i woke up again because i couldn't get over how everyone else was ignoring how dirty the place was.  i guess it was supposed to be a dungeon kind of place?  wtf, brain?)

--

i pull into a parking lot, and at first i think they're having a car wash thing, but i then notice that one of them has a black square instead of a bottom part of her bikini.  her friend turns, and she has a giant piece of black glass that she's using to hide behind, like a real-life censor bar.

(ditto waking up and wtf brain?)

who wants a stupid dream story that doesn't make much sense?

too bad.

--

i'm going out to a bar.  there aren't many people inside, but i make my way up to the bartender, and although i know what i want, i don't know the names of anything.  "i saw you had this drink?  it's all pink and fizzy, and i think it has vodka?  maybe cranberries?"  so it's a vodka and cranberry juice with like sprite or something.

"oh, yes, i know what you mean," and he types on the cash register.

"and do you have like fries?" i point to a sign that has cheese and bacon fries on it.  more typing.  i hand him my credit card, and this confuses him.  he goes through the list of cards that are being held for tabs, and then has to find my card, even though i just gave it to him.  he rings it up, i get my card back, and my receipt, which shows he charged my like $40 for "strawberry fizz special" and "super stuffed potato blasts" or similar nonsense.

"here's your water cup," the bartender says as he gestures to the soda machine.  i walk over to that, and try to find the water option.  i find it, clearly labeled as the alternate option for "hershey's chocolate sauce {ONLY AVAILABLE WITH VANILLA CUP}"  apparently in dream world, if you have a water cup, you get water, but if you have the "vanilla cup," it shoots out chocolate.  because why not.

also no, because i clearly sat down with a cup of ginger ale.

so i sit at a table and try to hide my obviously-not-water cup from the bartender, who seems to be doing stuff.  there are two people talking at different tables, and i kind of half listen to them while i watch tv.  which is on like tcm, because that's what you show at dream bars.  time passes, and i realize that i've watched an entire movie.  then the other two people start to worry, because the tv switches to a trivia thing, and they don't know the answers.  i say a few, and they're all really confused, because they don't know them.  "this is all about the movie they just showed."

"huh?"  then it switches, and i realize this is all about the movie they showed before that movie, and now i've been sitting in a bar for two movies worth of time.  i look for the bartender, but he's gone.  eventually he comes out from where ever, but now he's drunk, and just sits on the floor crying.

"i'm probably not getting my cheese fries."

--

so i leave, i guess, because i'm suddenly driving, and pulling into the driveway of someone i don't actually know, but i'm supposed to meet a friend here, and the person who owns the house is a friend of her friend.  but there are no other cars in the driveway, so i just back out again, and drive around the corner to try and get something to drink.  i find a convenience store, but it's weird because i know in my head that the driveway and house are on the mainland, but the store is in hawaii.

i park, and go inside.  there is nothing inside except two pop machines and a crowd of people at the counter.  i look at the machines, and while i'm trying to decide between the two, i glance outside to see two guys looking at me while they mess with my bike.

yep.  i have a bicycle now.  just go with it.  also i didn't lock my bike up, because when i went inside, it was a car and i didn't think people would be able to lift it up.

i walk towards the door, they panic and try to take off with my bike, and i run after, nearly grabbing on to the back of the bike.  i shout ahead, and some big guy slams the guy on my bike, and it falls over.  i run up, hop on my bike, and race away.

back to the house.  there are now three new cars in the driveway, so i should be ok now.  for some reason, i open up a door, and ride my bike inside.  i'm all sneaky, waiting for rooms to clear, and then biking through, not at all making "whumpa whumpa whumpa" sounds as i cross rugs and tiles.  eventually i'm lined up for the front door, and when i see the last person turn around, i shoot for it, making it through.

however, going through the door causes the door bell to ring, and i can hear people coming to check.  i run away (bike's gone now, i'm guessing because even in dream land, you can't bike to a door, open the door, go through, and close the door while still being on a bike), and hide behind some bushes.  i reach up to see if i'm hidden, and that's when i wake up.


--

my best guess is that this was a "hey, let's pretend some social situations!" and it just went horribly wrong in my brain.
:(

write write write

i wrote some of "o" today.  it helps that this morning during my "stupid loud jerk truck woke me up at 9, but i'm not getting out of bed until noon" nap/snooze, i finally sorted out the missing bits of "k".  now that i know where that one's going, i could fix the bits of my "o" notes that didn't work right, and start writing it for real.  i suspect "k" may need to be two parts, as there's just too much stuff to get out in one part.  so, "o", "k1", "k2".  then i think "d", which isn't a kinky part, and then i need to sort out how i want the story to progress.

that fun game again, just without fake entries.

• completely empty world.  there's no one else anywhere.
• go to a museum, but end up in a weird sex exhibit.  i was in a room, and there were images on the walls, and sound effects to make it seem like i was there.  so the example i remember best, i could see people tied up and hanging from above, and the sound effects were ropes swishing against the walls.  if you "clicked" on an image, you'd move that direction in the scene, or the walls would change to make it look like that, but it felt like you fell into the new room.
• me trying to find that exhibit in a different museum dream (i woke up a bit).  i found it, but it wasn't the same, and the entrance (which i blocked off with a "closed" sign) showed that it was dedicated to lincoln.  because dream reasons, i guess.
• final part of the museum trilogy:  somebody found two gold coins, so they started digging, and found a bunch of dinosaur bones.
• i know there was another scary one here.
• a big party where i have lots of friends, and we're all sitting around talking, and it's lots of fun, until i realize that this is a dream, and none of it is real, and i'm going to wake up and have a lonely day.  all the dream friends are sad too when i say i have to leave, but they understand and we all get into a car to drive me home.  i wake up when i get distracted because we're driving on a highway that isn't a highway in real life, and when you look down between the sides, you can see an underground highway that totally doesn't exist in real life.

updates on thingsn

1. did you know if you lazy press keys to make your browser autocorrect to "sammytriesagain", you might end up just pressing s enough times to spell ss, which is apparently a nazi thing.  oops.  please don't think i'm a nazi, google.
2. did you know if you stop drinking when you've been drinking to treat the crazy that kind of consumes your brain when it isn't doing other things, then your brain kind of just channels that crazy into horrible anxiety about everything?
1. so i maybe ignored your email if you sent me one, because i can't deal with conversations right now.
2. and if you posted comments that i read, didn't understand, and then panicked about, i also probably couldn't deal with that either, so i just ignored them instead of trying to respond to all the comments.
3. or if you follow my tumblr, you'll notice that it all kind of stopped about wednesday, because that was when my sanity broke a bit, and i woke up in the middle of a conversation with imaginary people.
3. speaking of imaginary people, i have a new random story to finish.  i had a dream thing, and then because alarms are made by the devil, my alarm went off before it could finish, leaving me in the purgatory that is the world outside of your dreams.  i've plastered over the main plot hole with pizza, because that's how i cope right now.
4. pizza is awesome.
1. so that's why i reblog pizza porn when i see it.
2. and why i follow a pizza porn blog.
3. and i keep wondering what the most efficient money/pizza frozen thing is.
1. those shitty totinos party pizzas that aren't enough for one person?
2. pizza rolls, which at least attack with flaming guts when you try to eat them.
3. french bread pizzas, which seem like they're trying to be fancier than they are
4. hot pockets?  they're kind of gross, but also kind of a calzone.
5. are the pizza bagels you buy as good as making them yourself?
1. note that my fridge is kind of a horrorshow of mold.  i need to gather enough sanity to clean it out, i think.
5. i will try to pull myself together this long weekend to respond and be social and pretend i'm human inside.  i hope everyone here understands that i'm not, and i have to struggle to do normal things.  i know i'm not that great of a writer, so i'm grateful for people for doing that understanding.
1. butt.
2. not butt.
3. really.  putting together a "what's wrong with me" thing is super painful.  i guess imagine having to tell someone you're sick, but like you have to stab your arm in five places so your boss knows your arm doesn't work.  or you keep coughing, but you have to have a lung removed and sent through a scanner for it to count.  that's how i feel most days.  like my brain is going to object to stupid shit just because it can.  at least at work now i just have to claim i'm sick and not prove things.  i'm "whatever the word is where it means you're not being oppressed by those who run the means of production for their own personal enrichment at the expense of all other concerns."  i want to say proletariat, but i don't work in a factory, so that seems wrong.  i am a bad communist.
4. like, that's probably not even communism bad.
5. sorry.
1. super sorry.
6. did you know getting automatic numbers is bad for things?
7. because you then come up with reasons to make more.
1. more is cool.
2. more is better.
3. people like things that come in threes.
4. you can avoid complicates mental health issues by diverting the topic along a tangential sub point.
1. like this one about puppies and how cute they are
5. and avoid the trouble you might expect from that divergence.
6. six.
7. seven.
8. ate.
9. nine.
10. but, really
1. there's a new shit story from a dream that's going up this weekend.
1. it's half written
2. it's not been done in my usual
1. notes
2. first copy
3. rewrite copy
4. reread for sanity
5. post
3. style.
4. it's the
1. write a copy.
2. make sure the copy isn't just the word "poop" a bunch of times.
5. version.
2. it's not really that bad, i could probably make it better if i could focus why my brain chose her and that topic and that location.
3. new thought?
1. i have two exhibition parts planned still.  
1. "illness" has been dragging out for four months or so.  
2. i know how it goes down because i have the notes sheet.
3. it still doesn't have any sex, but i really think it sorts out a lot of the social aspects of the story.
1. "office" is the next next, and i have it half planned right now
1. with the second half fake planned in my head.
4. i don't know how to finish this story, so it may just drag on forever.
1. it's not a "happily ever after, the end" thing
2. or a "you see how they fuck shit up, and it closes just before it all comes tumbling down."
3. how does macbeth...romeo and...caesar...
1. do they all end with everyone stabbed and dead?
2. fuck.
1. i'll need to write something new, then
1. i guess.
2. poop.
1. probably not poop.
11. ok.
1. i'm tired.
1. so it's sleep time.
2. good night.
3. sleep tight.
4. bedbugs are jerks.
1. stab them in their face.
2. bye.
12. blog.
1. a post.