i'm bad at time, i guess

somebody commented on stories on literotica recently, and that reminded me that i do have this porn writing hobby that i haven't done much with.  "it's been like six months, right?"  no.  it's been like sixteen.

i guess it's been like three years since the pandemic started, and i'm still working from home because i'm lazy and no one makes me go to the office (my team is scattered all over geographically anyway), and i think that has pushed a bunch of time into just "staying home."

anyway, i thought about writing some more, so went to read my first two chapters, and i found so many typos.  missing words, wrong words, dropped letters.  i really should proofread more than i do.

also, just so it's clear, what with all the crap happening: trans rights are human rights, and if you have a problem, fuck off and never return.

Institutional Review Board 2

Institutional Review Board 2
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

it seems that the first part of this has a lot of supportive comments on literotica, and i had a few more ideas for it, so: part 2.  i suspect there's a part 3.  eventually.

reverse prayer bound

it's the canonical ponygirl tie.

it's inescapable and painful.

it's the most confining next to amputation.

so, ok.  Years ago.  i tried to do it, and it hurt, and made my shoulders hurt, and my scapula seemed to be in all the wrong places.

now?  i can go to the bathroom, pee, and stand up with my arms fully in position.  i can't get them up as far as the stories make it (finger tips around scapula tops at best), but is this actually an easy pose?

i'm not skinny.  i don't get this whole deal.  i thought it was impossible b/c of my attempts before, but is this something that unlocks as you get older???

~~~weird~~~~ 

ps: i'm trying to sort together a dream story.

pps: dyk that sriracha works pretty well on taco bell steak tacos?  surprisingly well.

weighted blankets are just bondage for boring people

i bought one last year, and it's cold enough now that i pulled it out again.  i'd forgotten how much it squishes me down, and spent a most of the afternoon napping underneath it.  it was during that long nap that i realized it does the same thing that really nice, low-stress bondage does:  you can't move as much as you want, so you have to be calm and relax.

it's totally not the same as the terrors i come up with.  there's no vacuum sealed rubber, no epoxy and concrete block holding me permanently immobile, no layers of plastic and tape locking my body still.  but there's still the same cozy "hug" that is in my mind when i dream them up.

anyway, just something that i thought up while snuggling all day long.

Institutional Review Board

Institutional Review Board
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

i know this is similar to other stories, even ones i've written, but i want more fiction like this, so if i have to write it, i guess i'll do that.

--

The Cell

a lot of this is fragments that were kind of the foundations for a story that never worked.  this morning i decided to just take the bits i had, and put them together without worrying about "reasons" and "characters" and stuff like that.  this is clearly influenced by some of Thndrshark's stories, along with my own inherent weirdness.

The Cell
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2020/07/the-cell.html

Prison.com: Prologue

The Prison.com: Prologue
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

--

almost done.

i think it'll be a mixed bag when i publish it.  it's not very sexy, but it covers a lot of plot points that i've had in mind since i started the story.  the big break was me realizing on the commute home that if i don't want to write part x, i can just skip it, and move on to part y.  since this is based on someone else's work, it even has art that covers the bits i didn't want to write.

that's part of it, too.  that part of the story is known to everyone, which means if i want to tell it as well, i have to have something new to say about it.  i don't have anything new to say about it, so it's probably best if i just skip on to the next bit, which i think is funny.

and then part three, with all of the new things i want to put in that.

comp-pet-02

opinions?

if i put in Japanese, should i just do a translation, should i do a romanji "sayonara" style thing, or is it ok if i put in the regular hiragana (b/c i never learned my kanji): "いいえ"?

this wasn't a problem until i got drunk tonight and worried about it.

a new story?

at least a new start of a story.  i put it here this time, due to some future stuff that i don't want to host here.  i have an outline for the next two or three chapters, and we'll see how it goes from there.

ha ha

so

things are going pretty well.  my new job is better than the old one, my new boss is super cool, my coworkers are cool too, my new apartment is way bigger and way nicer than my old one, things are generally all better.

it's colder.  i don't like the cold so much.

but i'm starting to realize that i'm still super lonely, and starting to think that that's how it'll be forever.  i don't know that there's an easy way to meet people who are into messed up stuff, and i don't know that i could meet someone who isn't.

so i'm kind of in this place that i feel like i should be more depressed than i am.  i suspect the issue is that i'm taking so many drugs now, my brain can't be depressed.  i don't know.

i'm rambling, but it's late, and i need to get up early tomorrow.

i definitely don't like getting up early.

hey

so.

started antidepressants again.  this time they seem to be doing a way better job than previously.  it's nice not wanting to kill myself everyday.  it's like a whole new world that's probably what other people live all the time.

so that's nice.

i also applied and was accepted for a new job.  that means i'm going to be moving to the mainland.  which is kind of super stressful and all that, but i don't like my current job, and this is a big opportunity.

i don't think i'm going to be advertising the area code i'm moving to, so don't bother with that.  it's a big change by itself, and i'd prefer not to have to worry about random people stalking me because of my porn account.

that said, i might start writing again.  the antidepressants make masturbating a struggle, but they clear my brain of a lot of the unpleasantness.  i have one story outlined, and a second vaguely sorted, and a third idea that could be clearer, but is better than i've been in a year.

no promises.  the world still sucks, there are still fascists out there that hate me, and people could be kinder but aren't.  we'll see if i feel comfortable with this.

so, hey.  here's a 2017 update before the new year.  wasn't this a shitball of a year?

fucking hope next year is better.

voting notes.

also future stuff.

The Exhibition: Voting

The Exhibition: Voting
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2016/11/the-exhibition-voting.html

i mean

i'm thinking seriously about calling my dad and asking if this is a dumb thing to do.

my dad.

"sammy, you've never talked about your dad before!"

exactly.

omg.  wtf am i doing?

i am bad with intimate relationships, and i am equally bad at choosing healthy ways to connect with people.  also jobs.  i'm kind of a fuck up.  sorry!

super early on this, but

i may be moving.  to someplace else.  maybe.  with a different job.  possibly.

so that might make me even worse about posting.  or writing.  or all of this, really.  since.  "new job."

potentially.

just wanted to say something about it, because i'm kind of freaking out a bit at the idea.

and, because i'm wonderful, i outlined a new story i won't write for three years, because i'm awful at completing things.

allegedly.

an update

still dealing with things in the way i pretend i think sane people do it.  i am taking out trash.  i am murdering bugs with cleaning fluids.  i am wondering if "termites" are something you can treat with regular poisons, since i can't seem to find poisons that do that.

i am wondering if i should just post summaries, and pretend i wrote a story i couldn't pull myself to write.

i have a lot of these outlined stories that i just can't motivate myself to make real.

sorry.

does anyone think that's good?  or sufficient?  i want to write the full story, but i never do.  for like a year, i never do.  if i never write something, what happens then?

so, hey, go look at the tumblr, go get the porn done, look at my sad wikipedia pages, and hopefully be sad in sympathy.

would anyone be happy if i just sketched how things would go, and then never wrote it?  would that ruin any actual stories that i can push out?

i don't know anymore, and my favorite authors seemed to have stopped, so maybe there's just a point where it doesn't click anymore.

i don't blog here enough

i do the tumblr, which is literally just "that's cool.  make other people see it."

and i guess social media is logarithmic?

like, my twitter has like three people, blogger like 50, and tumblr like 500.  so, if i open a facebook, do i get 9000?

probably not, because there's a limit to being a jerk.

i am working on new stories.

i have made three sentences of "spa treatment 2".  i have thought a lot about how to make spa treatment 2 not suck.  spa treatment 2 might not be super great if you're not me.  sorry.

i've spent a lot of time walking through my apartment complex thinking about exhibition: p.  i'm still not sure exhibition: p is a good story.  we might just all have to suffer through my anxiety on that one.

sorry.

sorry everybody, everywhere.

The Exhibition: Writing

The Exhibition: Writing
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-exhibition-writing.html

let's call this a spooky story, even though it isn't really.

mostly, i just want to put it down so i have some record of it.  it's weird though.

so, like super early tuesday morning, i woke up in my living room on my couch.  this isn't super unusual.  my couch is like ten feet away from my bed, so it's not like i was wandering around a lot in my sleep.  i assume that i got up to pee, and went to the wrong place due to, let's say, "chemical issues."

except when i woke up to go back to my bed, all i could think was "wow, this is an awful lot of pain."

when i actually woke up, my back super hurt, and when i looked at it, there's like a two inch long gash on my right side.  there was also a blood stain on my couch where that point on my back was.

and i have no idea how it got there.  like, nothing else had blood on it.

so i'm saying it was a ghost.  a ghost stabbed me in the back.  or like, lightly sliced by back enough that it bled on my couch.

spooky.