updates on thingsn

1. did you know if you lazy press keys to make your browser autocorrect to "sammytriesagain", you might end up just pressing s enough times to spell ss, which is apparently a nazi thing.  oops.  please don't think i'm a nazi, google.
2. did you know if you stop drinking when you've been drinking to treat the crazy that kind of consumes your brain when it isn't doing other things, then your brain kind of just channels that crazy into horrible anxiety about everything?
1. so i maybe ignored your email if you sent me one, because i can't deal with conversations right now.
2. and if you posted comments that i read, didn't understand, and then panicked about, i also probably couldn't deal with that either, so i just ignored them instead of trying to respond to all the comments.
3. or if you follow my tumblr, you'll notice that it all kind of stopped about wednesday, because that was when my sanity broke a bit, and i woke up in the middle of a conversation with imaginary people.
3. speaking of imaginary people, i have a new random story to finish.  i had a dream thing, and then because alarms are made by the devil, my alarm went off before it could finish, leaving me in the purgatory that is the world outside of your dreams.  i've plastered over the main plot hole with pizza, because that's how i cope right now.
4. pizza is awesome.
1. so that's why i reblog pizza porn when i see it.
2. and why i follow a pizza porn blog.
3. and i keep wondering what the most efficient money/pizza frozen thing is.
1. those shitty totinos party pizzas that aren't enough for one person?
2. pizza rolls, which at least attack with flaming guts when you try to eat them.
3. french bread pizzas, which seem like they're trying to be fancier than they are
4. hot pockets?  they're kind of gross, but also kind of a calzone.
5. are the pizza bagels you buy as good as making them yourself?
1. note that my fridge is kind of a horrorshow of mold.  i need to gather enough sanity to clean it out, i think.
5. i will try to pull myself together this long weekend to respond and be social and pretend i'm human inside.  i hope everyone here understands that i'm not, and i have to struggle to do normal things.  i know i'm not that great of a writer, so i'm grateful for people for doing that understanding.
1. butt.
2. not butt.
3. really.  putting together a "what's wrong with me" thing is super painful.  i guess imagine having to tell someone you're sick, but like you have to stab your arm in five places so your boss knows your arm doesn't work.  or you keep coughing, but you have to have a lung removed and sent through a scanner for it to count.  that's how i feel most days.  like my brain is going to object to stupid shit just because it can.  at least at work now i just have to claim i'm sick and not prove things.  i'm "whatever the word is where it means you're not being oppressed by those who run the means of production for their own personal enrichment at the expense of all other concerns."  i want to say proletariat, but i don't work in a factory, so that seems wrong.  i am a bad communist.
4. like, that's probably not even communism bad.
5. sorry.
1. super sorry.
6. did you know getting automatic numbers is bad for things?
7. because you then come up with reasons to make more.
1. more is cool.
2. more is better.
3. people like things that come in threes.
4. you can avoid complicates mental health issues by diverting the topic along a tangential sub point.
1. like this one about puppies and how cute they are
5. and avoid the trouble you might expect from that divergence.
6. six.
7. seven.
8. ate.
9. nine.
10. but, really
1. there's a new shit story from a dream that's going up this weekend.
1. it's half written
2. it's not been done in my usual
1. notes
2. first copy
3. rewrite copy
4. reread for sanity
5. post
3. style.
4. it's the
1. write a copy.
2. make sure the copy isn't just the word "poop" a bunch of times.
5. version.
2. it's not really that bad, i could probably make it better if i could focus why my brain chose her and that topic and that location.
3. new thought?
1. i have two exhibition parts planned still.  
1. "illness" has been dragging out for four months or so.  
2. i know how it goes down because i have the notes sheet.
3. it still doesn't have any sex, but i really think it sorts out a lot of the social aspects of the story.
1. "office" is the next next, and i have it half planned right now
1. with the second half fake planned in my head.
4. i don't know how to finish this story, so it may just drag on forever.
1. it's not a "happily ever after, the end" thing
2. or a "you see how they fuck shit up, and it closes just before it all comes tumbling down."
3. how does macbeth...romeo and...caesar...
1. do they all end with everyone stabbed and dead?
2. fuck.
1. i'll need to write something new, then
1. i guess.
2. poop.
1. probably not poop.
11. ok.
1. i'm tired.
1. so it's sleep time.
2. good night.
3. sleep tight.
4. bedbugs are jerks.
1. stab them in their face.
2. bye.
12. blog.
1. a post.