like, "fucking sammy. talking about shit to farm sympathy to her shitty behavior. jerk."
because that's how it feels, so if you feel like that too, just do a comment with some random word. post anonymously. no animals. like "brick" or "tortilla". not "puppy" or "kinkajou". thanks.
buy a book, google chrome. kinkajou is totally a real word. as is google.
what was my point today?
i completely forgot the point. here's a few things i probably wanted the point to be:
i wanted to write today, but i didn't, because i felt too tired. waking up early sucks.
so i did some tumblr stuff instead. that's easier and way way more mindless.
i did plan out some of o2 in the shower this morning. i think i have the main details done, and a lot of the character motivation. i need to get it down so i don't forget, but the themes are easy.
i hate writing "and then did the same to the MONKEY on the other side." this technical shit is hard to make not suck. "annie PIROUETTES sammy's left CARBOXYLIC until it PURPLES like a TENEMENT" those are all apparently real words, so i'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. if anyone reads o1 and sees some obvious fix to this stuff, let me know. i just write what makes sense, and then feel bad about how lame it sounds.
if you were here right now, and said the magic words of "i don't hate you, sammy," i'd probably give you an awkward hug
awkward because i don't hug much, and double awkward because getting hugged by naked people is kind of super weird.
sorry.
EDIT STARTS NOW:
politics.
i was going to warn everyone that i'll probably talk about politics tomorrow. so. you know, if you might be against my particular politics, maybe go fuck yourself and go away. and if you are cool with my political shit, you can ignore if i'm too weird? i'm pretty sure those are the only groups. fuckers who should diaf, and people who we might disagree on details, but we probably agree on the big picture stuff.
so tomorrow. probably a brambly politics thing. you might be able to guess the details or triggers or whatever. but, hey, you can see me be all dumb tomorrow.
poop.
Sammy.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, and with complete honesty, I can say that I enjoy your random daily post as much as I enjoy your actual stories.
Except, you know in a completely different kind of way.
I even enjoy the ones I'm sometimes lucky enough to catch before you decide to delete them.
Jesse, as in the Jesse who doesn't hate you Sammy.
thanks. i sometimes have words that i have to say, but i don't have a good place for them. so, since if people are willing to read fucked up stories, they're probably ok with whatever fucked up shit my brain is panicked about.
Deleteand i never delete anything. they're all there, locked deep inside google's blogger's computers. what usually happens is:
a) sammy gets more drunker than usual.
b) sammy writes something that's either awful or hateful or painful or just something that is too honest.
c) sammy passes out and wakes up and goes to work.
d) sammy checks her blog, and sees a post that she doesn't remember writing, or doesn't remember much of, and rereads it, panics, and sets it to "draft mode" or whatever.
d-2) sometimes i spend the day at work trying to cobble together the hints of memory that suggest what my late night blog post was about. "i think i said something about sharks being soulless librarians...that doesn't even make sense."
d-3) those are the days i come home, immediate look, and set things to draft without looking.
i know it's dumb, and that my reputation is kind of "dumb girl who writes disgusting porn," so it's not like posting random drunken rants about shark/librarians is something to be ashamed of, but still. disgusting porn needs some kind of standard, right? and there's no reason to slander sharks or librarians in doing that, i guess?
this is kind of probably the kind of comment i'd delete. (which, yes, i've done twice as far as i can remember. i wrote something that i regretted, and deleted it all forever. i don't remember what it was, because deleted comments are gone permanently).
love,
sammy