hah.

sorry for being dumb.  a lot of sorries on that front.

sorry if i send a drunk email that is super weird and super out of the blue.  not sure if it was a drunk email?  here's the flow chart:

1. did you get an email from me?
1. it was a drunk email.  probably should throw it away.

"no, but sammy, it's all ok, you're not dumb!"

yes i am.  i am super dumb, and i paste over my insecurities with a lot of alcohol.  which is stupid, because you can't fucking paste shit with alcohol.  

"hey, let's stick these things together!"  

"great idea! let's use a liquid that actively resists sticky shit!"  

"brilliant!"

i wish i could try harder than i do, but trying hard is hard, and failing at something hard doesn't hurt any less than failing at something simple.  it's way easier to be like "hey, let's drink less" and then fuck that up.  you get that feeling in your brain telling you how "gorss" you are, and that you're such a "dumb bich".

ha ha ha, anxiety!  you've fallen into my trap of "get anxiety so fucking drunk she pees herself, because it's super hard to make me feel bad when you've got wet underwear"!

but not really, because anxiety is still me, and when anxiety is all "gots to pee," i make sure we both get there in time.  mostly because i have no clue how you fix a pee soaked bed.

so, what i think i'm saying is "i'm drunk again, as usual" and "i'm sorry that i've pulled you in to my crazy world."  i am going to try super hard to get stories out this long weekend.  i might fuck it up and fail, but i am going to try.