deep breath time.

so.

i've been lazy with that story.  i know how it ends, and that soothes a lot of the crazy in my brain, so it's harder to write than if i were making it up as it goes.

because, let me tell you, the making it up part took a lot of time, and a lot of... um... "exercise."

but i know i need to write it all out, and get it out, and let other people see the stuff in my brain that i live with.  it's how things work.

so i'll try to get on that more, and stop just reading other porn until... um... "things aren't as important."


this week has been especially hard, because my boss was all "you're doing a great job."

when you spend most days thinking you're just barely clawing on to things, hearing that is kind of a roller coaster.

"wow, he's really happy with what i'm doing!"

"but you suck at everything, so he's clearly just being lied to!"


which is great, really, if you already have that straitjacket strapped onto you, and know that that's not coming off anytime soon.


but i'm stuck being "not sexy crazy," so it just ramps up the anxiety.

which makes me lazier.

which makes that story even further off.



super sorry, everyone who likes stories.  i'm trying.