the past two or three weeks have been kind of horrible in my head. when i started on the new drugs, things seemed better. that kind of degenerated into staying in bed all day and calling in sick and constantly thinking about killing myself. i went back to the psychiatrist, and after describing things, she told me to back down on the dosage, because apparently they "activate" me. i would have thought that was a good thing, but i guess not. basically, i overloaded that bit of my brain, and it reacted by coming up with compulsive thoughts of suicide.
so, i backed off like she said, and picked up the prescription she gave me for another-another drug (this time paxil). i'm supposed to switch to that one if i feel like things aren't working. she also suggested that if the suicidal thoughts kept on, i might need a "mild antipsychotic. Not that I think you're psychotic or anything, it's just that sometimes those work better on these specific thoughts."
the good side of things is that i don't have the headaches and other side effects i was getting with the celexa, and my panic attacks seem to have resolved as well. that happened when i switched to the zoloft, which was a welcome change. the suicidal stuff kind of made that a bittersweet victory, though. now i'm feeling better than i have been, so i figured it was time to come back to reality a bit.
well, not reality, i guess. my blog. it's almost like reality, just a little bit weirder, maybe.
:) <--actual smile like i have on my face right now.
so, hopefully this will stick around a bit longer, and i won't get frustrated with myself and hide away again. i can't guarantee that, though, since i've had short bouts of feeling good in the past. i really want to say thanks to everyone who's left a comment or sent an email or anything. i'm going to try to get comments responded to tonight, and do emails tomorrow, but if i miss you for some reason, just know that i'm really thankful for all the kind words.
Very glad your feeling better Sammy. All I can say here is that I'm happy you talked to your Doc and that things seem to be on the up and up. Also, the anti-psychotic thing.. I have found that anti-psychotics kind of just make your brain go STFU so perhaps that's what they were going for? One anon's thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteso far the antidepressants on this lower dose seem to be working pretty well. i've spent pretty much all of the past week or so feeling pretty good. i've also generally been sleeping better, and that helps a lot too. however, i've started getting dizzy when i stand up, which is apparently something mirtazapine can do. i figure i'll check with the doctor next time, because it's not really a big deal, just kind of annoying.
ReplyDeletemy main concern about the anti-psychotic is that i don't want to feel drugged up, and i thought that was something those did. in any case, i think that since i feel like i'm doing much better now, it's less of a concern, since it would be silly to add something if i'm doing ok.