i'm not complaining about my sanity. it's reassuring to not freak out about minor upsets. it's good to not see a dead animal and need to take a day off to recuperate. it's nice to go out in public and not feel so much like an absolute freak.
i mean, i still mumble things to myself, and count on my fingers in a way that can't be reassuring to other people.
but feeling like this.
with what i think is what people know as "normal" in my hands.
it's weird and difficult and challenging.
when you know no one else sees what you see, and know that what makes you panic might not exist, it's easy to draw away and accept that you're in a fantasy realm.
but when you crash down to the real world, and have to deal with trash, and the leaves you tracked in on your shoes, and "laundry".
shit turns out to be real.
so, a check-in on things:
- my favorite forum turns out to be moderated by racists, so i guess it's not my favorite anymore?
- i feel like i should write more, but i've been getting home at like 8pm.
- not hating your work means you have less time for porn.
- this feels like it should be a positive?
- nice that the country understands useless insanity now. would have even nicer 24 months ago, but i guess i have to live with the repercussions of anti-democratic fascist jurists being placed by corrupt fascists.
- or, you know, walls and shakespeare and such.
- just a suggestion.
