another late night sammy confidence booster post

i had 27 people visit me on okcupid.  but like, all of them were 51% matches.  that's like saying "you're terrible, sammy, so here are some terrible people you won't like to date.  enjoy being miserable"

and that's why i avoid my online dating shit.  i set it up, and then let it roam free, because i'm sure no one will ever love me the right way.

"oh, sammy, that's not true!"

you're nice, and that's nice, but we both know that i'm damaged, right?  you'll do everything i ask, but when i ask you to do something new, you'll be stunned, and i'll be hurt, and the drama will overcome everyone.

if you know someone who might be depressed or whatever, realize that this is totally how they see things.  because i do exactly that.  the more you get close to me, the more i push away.

hedgehog dilemma.

anyone know a fix?

dream story thing

i bend over, and clip my collar to a ring on the floor with one of those snappy-close key chain things (that let you clip your keys to things).  i start drinking out of the bowl on the floor, and then a minute later, someone reaches down and unclips me.

"hey, what are you doing, i'm not a slave!" i say.

"the moment you bound yourself to the floor, you were a slave.  those are the rules," she replies.


then i woke up.

so..this is my "random notes" from dream stuff

train

sally (supposed to), kelly (friendly), dawn (friend)
vac girl

mysterious church
dormatory/hospital
open room
release girl
bath, pee
reseal her
catch train back
sally sad

--------------------------------------

hrm...

so here was how this was supposed to be. i'm on a train to london (nevermind i don't live anywhere close to there, that's just how it is).  i talk with some people (sally,kelly, dawn), but we end up in a weird church.  it's like a theater, but all stone and empty.  we wander some more, and up in the hospital. we find this girl, who's trapped in a vacuum bed like thing.  we let her out, and she takes a bath with us, and then she says "i need to pee" and does so, and i drink it all down.

but, she is in the hospital, right? so we can't leave her like this, so we put her back in her bag, and seal her back up.  i then all normal like get back to the train, and sally, who i was supposed to be dating? or going out with? or something? she's all upset that i spent my time with the vacuum girl, and i guess kelly and dawn?  i remember kind of a 'hey, let's spend more time together" kind of thing with kelly, but this is where things broke down, and i woke up all "whoa...i'd totally love to smother in that vacuum girl's pussy".

ok?