i've mostly felt bad about that last post. it seemed way too dramatic, even for me.
so what's happened:
i went to the therapist, who told me that if i didn't have a suicide plan, i wasn't serious about it. i then went home, and came up with a foolproof suicide plan that would ensure that if i chose to, i'd be dead before anyone could stop me.
i cancelled future appointments with that therapist, and tried to find a new one (because, clearly, prompting suicide plans makes you the worst counselor ever).
my best friend ever told me she's pregnant, and that makes me regret not having a normal life where such things can happen to me. i can't wait for that baby though, because she totally would be a great mom.
i still want to kill myself pretty much everyday, but i haven't, and i'm trying hard to live a more positive life, at least until i can talk with a therapist that is good at their job. i kind of wish that i could be committed for a few weeks, and live in a nice structured environment for a bit, and see how that works for me.
and no, not just because that might involve some bondage. :-P i seriously think it might help.
for everyone who's been supportive, thanks a lot. i'm sorry i'm such a psycho bitch. i wish i could be all better and have my mind stop trying to convince me to kill myself, but until that happens, i just have to work with what i have.
