like this:

i woke up today, a bit earlier than usual for a sunday, watched some junk on the internet, read a bit, then decided to get clean and go have lunch.  "i'll figure out what after a shower."

so i showered, dressed, and sat down on my couch with my laptop.  "hmmm...burgers?"

"no, that doesn't sound good today."

"sushi?"

"do i need any groceries?  it's right by the store."

"no, i went yesterday."

"let's see what yelp suggests."

followed by an hour of browsing yelp.  then i looked at something else.  "no!  i have to figure out what to do for lunch, because there's lots to do, and none of that can happen until after lunch!"  so then i spent another hour looking at yelp, looking at individual neighborhoods, and changing price ranges, and trying to find a place.  "how about that? i've only been once, but it was pretty good."

doesn't open until 4, and it's only 3:15 now, so that's way too far in the future.  "ok, how about that place?"  closes at 4, and now it's 3:20, and i can't get there in time and eat before they're going to be closed, and i don't want to make them wait for me to finish.

and then i had a panic attack and had to drink some water and put the laptop down until i stopped hearing my heart in my ears.

"that's all stupid shit to be worried about, sammy"

yes.  i know.  this is what makes it so difficult.  i'm not freaking out over breaking a leg or something.  i'm freaking out about not knowing what i want for lunch, and progressively freaking out more and more as that feeling continues.

i eventually went to get a sandwich.  that's how this plays out.  stupid turkey between some stupid bread.


it was tasty.  i shouldn't be mean to the sandwich because it took me hours to find it.


and i guess i didn't have to panic delete everything on my blog?  Mr. Christopher says there's a thing where they're not actually going to shut it all down?

why did the first thing need an email, and this is just a forum post somewhere?  doesn't this deserve an email too?

:-/