me walking to my car after getting groceries: "why does the front of my car look so weird? did i hit something? i've never noticed it looks like that."
as i get closer: "holy shit, that's not my car, that's a different car! where's my car? how did they steal my car so quickly?"
my car, sitting closer to me than that other car, but is blocked by a van: "calm the fuck down, i'm right here. geez."
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