so, hey. things.

i have a tumblr.  not that one.  a secret private one for just me.  and i follow a lot of people.  and sometimes i look at it, and wonder why i follow some of the people i do.  so i look at their stuff.  and it's all a lot of sad, depressing things.

i'm sorry you feel that way, tumblr person.  i will never unfollow you, because i'm there with you, trying my best to keep the crazy thoughts in my brain from killing me.

sorry i'm crazy.

drunk jerk sammy was right that i should apologize again.  she's a bitch on a lot of other things.

yes, i went to the emergency room.  yes, it was because i did something stupid.  no, i did not try to kill myself.  and yes, i don't want to talk about it ever again.  i was fine, i could drive myself there, and i apologized to everyone for making them deal with me and my stupid shit.

i am apparently healthy.  i lost five pounds since last time i went to the doctor, and according to the tests i had to do, my liver is "normal" and not "wtf are you doing?"  so drinking tea is a good thing if you have a serious problem with social anxiety and use vodka to deal with that.  even if you sometimes pour vodka into your tea.  you're mostly drinking tea, so it's better than just a bunch of vodka.  yay.

i plan to take the trash out tomorrow.  or organize the trash.  i think i need to do a bag or two each week.  that should keep me out of the bad zone.

i have like 200 things in my tumblr queue now.  i want to try to keep things in it, so there's a stream of things there.  not like my reblogging is important.  it isn't.  i'm just looking at junk and saying, "hey, i like that, too bad my brain is junk."

too bad my brain is junk.

i almost wrote some today.  very nearly got writing accomplished.  i'm afraid it can only happen on three day weekends now.  like that is the only way to destress enough to put my thoughts together.  that's shitty.  i need to work on how much i hate my life.


did you read Mr. Sador's "The Right Track"?  that's the latest, so you should go back and read the other parts.  i've been enjoying that this past week or two.

i have other stories i need to read eventually.  i am bad at this entire aspect of my life.

also responding to people.  is it too late to respond if your brain fucked up for a month between receiving and responding to the message?  please let me know.  i feel like i should respond, but i don't want to look like a jerk.


sorry i'm not as good as i wish i could be.  sorry i have to hide a lot of the time to keep myself me.  sorry i have to apologize for the me i have to be.

sorry.