read "food" first.

you know the drill by now

random days off are great.

because it's like a free sunday, except instead of going to sleep knowing you have to wake up on a crappy monday, it's an indifferent wednesday.  yay!

story stuff: i looked into stories online, and sent in my test story to see if i could figure out how it works.  it's way more complicated than the other ones, with a lot of extra clicks and what not.  i screwed up the first time, and submitted it as a "continuing" instead of "one part" story.  one cool thing that i'll have to play with is that it looks like i can define a series for "exhibition," and then submit the parts as stories in that series.  that might make it easier to organize things into the right order there.

i'm also mostly done with "food."  i need to decide on the ending i want, and do my proof on that.  if i'm less lazy than usual, it'll be up this evening.  i have one more part in my head, but that's likely to be the end of "exhibition" until i think up new things.  that will give me a chance to try to get more done one "spa treatment," which i've ignored for like four months now.

finally, it looks like bdsmlibrary updated again, although not with the stuff i sent them in august.  the forum says they had "hackers" and "blah blah bullshit i don't care about," but that they're fixing that and trying to get things up and running again.  i'm going to hold off on sending stuff to them until they get a few more regular updates going, i think.

depressing stuff:  it turns out that stopping drinking isn't lots of fun.  the biggest problem is that i've apparently forgotten how to go to sleep.  i drink my tea, i watch my youtube videos, i feel the "ok, it's sleepy time, i guess," and then i curl up and nothing happens.  for like two to three hours.  not a lot of fun.

then, as a double bonus, when i do get to sleep, i have nightmares again.  yay.  nothing more fun than making friends with people, and then watching them all fall to their deaths at the same time.  so that makes it hard to stay asleep when i do get there.  which also is not a lot of fun.

however, other than "sleeping sucks now," this doesn't seem like that hard of a thing to do.  so, maybe sammy isn't really an alcoholic, just a habitual drunk.  yay?  plus, maybe i'll lose weight or something?  whatever.  sorry for getting weird.

again.

still.

three comics

they're all about scat, so.  you know.  you might not like them.

• Eriko's Perpetual Motion
• Junko's Extracurricular Excretion Activities
• Nasty Maid Cafe+ ~Their Day Off~ 

so maybe sitting around all day looking at porn isn't the most productive thing

like forever ago, i posted this thing, which is by sumomo dou.

and then today i read all the stuff that's in english, and some of the stuff that isn't.

this is a good one, without as much of the weirder grosser stuff that shows up a lot.

The Exhibition: Glass

The Exhibition: Glass
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-exhibition-glass.html

read "glass" first.

notes and things.

ok. what?

bedside luxury is almost three years old?

how is that even possible?

well. huh. shit.

so i had a doctor appointment today.

and like always, the doctor was all, "let's steal your blood for funsies!"

and medicine.  whatever.  doctors are bad vampires.

and then she called me up.  "so, your labs are back.  did you know you have shitty liver function?"

"no?"

"so...if you drink, maybe don't drink for three weeks, and we'll check it again?"

"yeah...sure...no drinking.  sure.  ok."


to be honest, my life is basically a never ending cycle of "wake up because your phone told you to stop sleeping", "go to work and struggle against a non-stop avalanche of horrible tasks", "go home, and try to not starve yourself to death, you fucking fattie," and then "drink yourself to sleep while you watch stupid youtube videos."

i slot in "read the porn to masturbate to, and write porn for other people to masturbate to" when i can.

so.

this sucks.

i'm trying to think of things to drink while i watch youtube videos, because i don't think i can just not drink and watch youtube videos.  tea?  is that a thing?  does anyone think that would work?


"oh, sammy! i didn't know your brain was still fucked up and you were still drinking a lot to cover up a lot of anxiety that doesn't often surface when you hide behind double locked doors!"

we all knew.  don't pretend, ok?

OMG!

they're all named after islands!

i have no clue why this is important, and everyone is reading this and is all "WTF?"  but i don't care, because this suddenly hit me.  

everyone except one, i think.

they're all islands.

fucking...

how did i not notice that until now?

i'm now more scared that i want to give everyone in a fictional story hugs now.

my brain is grumpy today

just.  all the grumps.

i hate these days.  i hate when i let external shit fuck with me to the point where i hate everything.

like people with loud cars, or stereos, or mopeds.  just this "whump whump whump" or "bzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzt" all evening.  i don't know why that's such a hard trigger, but it is.  i just hear this angry growl, and want to not hear it anymore.


today was a day i needed to cry.  i sat down, readied myself for the crying, and then turned the channel and watched a show about sloths.

did you know they only go down to the ground to poop?  imagine being all, "well, the ground is so down there...i'll just keep this poop for tomorrow, i guess."  sloths are kind of cool when you learn more about them.

but yeah.  i wish i could channel the tears when i want them.  i think that would help me fight stress more than i do now.

i just want a good ugly cry. :(

no new story today

i got about a paragraph written after trying all day.

part of it is that i'm just so unhappy that so much of the country is dumb and voted for bully jerks.

hawaii didn't.  i think everyone i voted for is winning.  so, at least i get to live in one of the few places that doesn't suck.

:(

hey, everybody!

so i think i'm pretty close to getting "glass" finally finished.  the main text is about 80% done, and so i hope i can finish it tomorrow, and then do my re-read/re-write tomorrow evening, and get it out to everyone.

which will be great, because then i can finally submit everything to literotica, and have everyone there tell me how much i suck at writing.

honestly, that's not a big part of things.  i suspect anyone who responds on literotica is only doing so because they read the whole thing, and liked it, and all that.

does anyone know what's up with bdsmlibrary?  it seems like more people read that (based on my view counts), but it updates like it's drunk and stoned, and possibly serving 5-10 in the state jail.  i'm really looking for other places to post if people know of them.


and tomorrow's a vacation day for me, because hawaii is probably cooler than your state.  sorry.  we're just generally not run by morons.



final note:  i really feel my depression acting up again.  i spent more of today wishing i could stab myself than usual.  i don't know why, i don't understand the reasons, i just know what the feelings are.  i'll fight back as much as i can, but i just wanted everyone to know that i might be lame with email for a bit.

sorry.  i can tell i careen back and forth between crazy depressed and crazy manic.  i think i've dealt with enough that the first isn't so suicidal anymore.  i wish the second wasn't so draining that i could do that for a bit without immediately dropping into a puddle that only wants blankets and pillows.


thanks again to everyone who comments for being super cool and being ok with me sometimes just freaking out.  i do what i can when i can, and you understanding when i can't post is great.  this is why i love each of you in our own special way.

maybe you disagree, but whatever, it's my blog.

elections are this week.  so you should probably go vote.

however, if you're thinking, "yes, sammy, i agree.  i'm voting republican!" then, ok, see?

you can go fuck yourself, right?  which party has spent years being all "if we let gay people marry, then everyone will get divorces to go get gay married instead of having babies"?  i mean, that doesn't even make sense, but that's what they've been saying.

so.  hey.  if you vote for republicans (at all, in any race, anywhere), then you're dumb, and i don't want to be friends with you.  stop reading my blog, and go away forever, ok?

if you are voting for democrats this year, then good news!  hawaii makes election day a holiday, so i'll have an extra day to write more stuff!  woo!  more fun porn for kinky progressives! :)

question:

do people have to do address typing things to post comments here?  i don't, but i own the thing, so maybe i'm special?

do other people have to do that, though?

and i finally have an outline i like for "glass" done.  i'm going to try to get it out this weekend, and then submit glass/exercise/hanging to literotica.

then we'll do food.  that's chronologically last in the series, and does a big change to things.

i'm concerned i might break things at that point, but we'll see what my brain comes up with.  i keep thinking about "ice" as the next story, but other than the title, i'm kind of stuck.  "no, ouch." "no, dumb." "no, gross."

what else starts with i?

igloo.

dear sammy,
this is why we're not friends a lot of the time.
love,
sammy

we'll see.

sammy can't sleep, so it's stupid question time.

1. do i like garbanzo beans?  i don't generally like beans.  they're mushy and gross.  but i bought this frozen dinner thing, and was like "oh cool! shepherd's pie!"  it was delicious in london.  but it's "amy's." and amy hates fun, so everything's vegetarian.  i know this.  why did i buy it in the first place?  so, it's all a lie, and i'm afraid to eat it, because i don't know if i like garbanzo beans.  ok. even i admit this is stupid at this point.  let's have it for dinner tomorrow and stop being dumb.
2. when you have a super spicy lunch, and then you poop, but your poop is all super firey and it hurts.  that sucks, and i get it way more than i think is fair.
3. why is it when you buy chips, sometimes they're super flavored, and sometimes they're just like "hint of flavor"?  i got the onion sunchips.  but this batch is like "oh, yeah, we've met onion.  didn't like her."  wtf, sunchips?  i want that angry gross taste so tomorrow morning i can hate myself from the night before.

The Exhibition: Hanging

The Exhibition: Hanging
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-exhibition-hanging.html

again, read "Hanging" before reading this.

this is the notes and comments post.

blah.

i already have a new chapter almost ready to go.  i want to edit it first, and do my usual fixes to make my first drafts not sound do dumb.  second drafts.  whatever.

it's almost halloween themed, in that it's not at all halloween themed, but i kill somebody in the story.  so.  suspenseful.

lastly, the news email magazine thing that i get in the email told me that the hawaii film festival is coming up, so i clicked on it, and looked around to see what's playing.  um,  "The Torture Club":

Yuzuki Muto has been accepted to the prestigious private girls’ high school, St. Anesty Academy, that she never dreamed of attending. One spring day — with cherry blossoms in full bloom — she attends the entrance ceremony with high hopes and expectations… only soon to find herself getting “escorted” by two students to a basement room used by the school-approved Torture Club, where they practice and master the art of torture. With her hands and feet bound together, Yuzuki is coerced to join the club. Suddenly another Torture Club member appears, Aoi Funaki, a stunningly beautiful upperclassman who Yuzuki fell in love with at first sight on the day of her entrance exam. As Yuzuki’s rigorous training begins, her affections for Aoi grow ever stronger, despite the hard and fast “no romance” rule in the Torture Club.

thanks, japan. i kind of really want to see this, but i also kind of really don't want to see it in a movie theater with a giant bunch of strangers.  especially since it wouldn't be over until like 11pm, and if i remember correctly, dole cannery has a kind of creepy parking garage.  super stranger danger.

hopefully they'll do a dvd release for it, i guess.

The Exhibition: Exercise

The Exhibition: Exercise
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-exhibition-exercise.html

don't read this until you read the story.

i'm posting this one first so it shows up after the story on the blog.  read that first.  these are the notes for the story.