the panic attacks and intrusive thoughts got really too far up for me to ignore them. so i took a very old ambien and called up the brain doctor receptionist to get me scheduled for next year.
"you general practitioner can give you all kinds of useful brain drugs. have you talked to her about that?"
no? that's an option? "i would like more ambien, please. also all the xanax. please?" doesn't that make me look like some sort of junky?
i mean, not that i'm super sober sammy all the time anyway. just. can you just ask for powerful mind altering drugs?
and if so, why don't we let everyone have these? if i go from suicidally off to calm and normal after taking a pill, why is that something we prevent other people from having?
ok, sure, you're going to bring up the old opium cough syrup that made my mind explode in sinus clearing rapture.
how is that opium spawned peace any better than the peace i try to steal from alcohol?
this is a mess, and a good reason to not share blogs with therapists.
who will probably tell me unhappy things when I see her next year.
let's all cross our fingers that i can break through some shit and not be such a fucking waste all the time.
"ok, sure, you're going to bring up the old opium cough syrup that made my mind explode in sinus clearing rapture."
ReplyDeleteoh dear sammy. i wish all this good thoughts on to you. you fight the shit i battle all the time, and just deal with it. i fucking love you so much right now. one day we'll get the good drugs in a way we can use them.
or, i'm just a junky. sorry. ashes to ashes, yeah?