i hate it.
i have to wake up, do work things, take a shower to be respectable, go away from Captain Bed, do work things at stupid shit, go buy food so you don't starve, eat that food, be a dilettante in the world of "stupid shit and not starving," eat more shit, then go to sleep and hope that you die in the night.
but no one ever dies in the night. they die because the hope and wishes that sustained them stop pulsing. it's that final "zero" that ends things. this concept of a permanent sad world of past loved ones probably isn't healthy.
and it's not like i could change a thing. she died of a massive stroke. he died of lung failure, after years and years of smoking.
i hate having a legacy. you can't disappoijnt peop,le you've never met.
in any case
i hate lots of things.
living.
dealing with people.
trash day.
but the thing that's the most stresser?
dealing with people online
Why you are so sad? You don't like your job? Dealing with people is stress for you? But ..... see it vice versa, imagine, there were no other people ..... just no one at all ........... believe me, we humans need other humans to deal with. Cheer up.
ReplyDeletebecause life sucks. are you dumb or something so you don't see that? life isn't fun, it's a struggle all the time every day, and people who say anything different are liars.
Deletedealing with people is the biggest stress. you have to talk to them, and the odds that they disagree with you are super high. you're magically in a battle, and you just really wanted to get some pizza and eat it. because pizza, right?
if there were no other people, that would be great. i could wander down to the store, buy a big sharp knife, and end myself along with the rest of the world. if no one else is alive, there's no one to disappoint, there's no one to have to leave behind. we could end this giant mistake we're born into.
and yeah, i get the pain of wanting to deal with people. i also get that that makes my brain curl up and puke itself. this isn't some thing you can "cheer up" from. do you understand the pain of pushing so so hard to make people like you and have them reject you? and having that happen time and time again? you know how you get that bump on your finger because you put the pencil there every day? it's the same thing. you get a bump on your brain that tells you to smile, wave, and get the fuck away from those other people, because you're just going to end up crying alone in bed.
so. hey.
go fuck yourself, maybe, ok? i get that's i'm not great, and i know that i'm bad with people. but coming here all "oh, this is the way to fix yourself." no. that's not helping.
i know how to fix myself. stop being afraid of every fucking person on the planet. stop worrying about how things will work out. stop worrying that i'm totally going to die senile and alone in this same apartment 40 years from now, shitting myself as my brain strokes out.
i mean, i could just cheer up, right? ignore the fact that i'm only safe from global warming because the sea will only rise like 10 meters by then, and i'm like...200 feet up. thanks, mountains!
ignore the fact that my parent's generation just keep fucking up everything, all the time, forever, and because of medicine, they won't just fucking die and let other people try to fix things?
ignore the fact that if i went to a lot of other states, and tried to find someone to date, i might end up hanging from a fence with my brain bashed out. less so than if i were a dude, but holy fucking fuck, how is this the world we live in?
ignore the fact that the guy who told us he was going to stop bombing shit is now bombing shit again? i get that people someplace else suck. i get that people there are suffering. i just don't see how we have to fix it. sure, that dickbag we had previously broke all the shit. i didn't want that either. but when will we just fucking stop bombing shit? right? how much shit do we have to blow up before people stop being asses? all of it? then fine. fucking kill us all. we've clearly fucked it up.
so yeah. no one else? stroll down to get a pizza before they rot, eat it all up, keep going to find a big sharp knife, and fuck it, everyone else is dead. climb over the counter and get that cough syrup i had months ago. three or four swigs of that, a pizza or two, a nice few slashes, and we fix the problems of the world forever.
did i tell you to go fuck yourself yet? i'm doing it here again, just as a safety check.
Oh, sorry, I didn't want to disturb you by just saying "cheer up" ....... I know exactly, that that changes nothing in real life nor was my intention to "safe you" from I don't know what.
ReplyDeleteHow could I? I don't even know you personally, I don't know nothing about your life.
What I know for sure is, that we as "modern people in the western world" have und use all the modern equipment, we can travel all around the world, we normally won't starve, we can communicate with almost all people on this planet ......... if there were a time-machine and this machine would transform a person from the 19. century to nowadays, this person would be impressed, this person will not be able to understand, what you mean, when you are complaining about the trash day, even after a description, what that trash day means, but that person would not understand, why you are complaining about it.
But, anyway, you once must be hurd by someone really hard, I guess, that you are a ..... so negativ thinking person.
Fuck yourself you told me twice .... thank you for this advice, but that I will do anyway, and doing this I do not need my hands for ..... just imagination in my brain will do it, after a while, it will come, very hard.
Insted of "cheer up": Fuck you (and have fun doing that)