hey

i'm posting this today instead of cutting.

yeah, i know, this got super real, super fast.

i just got this sudden super strong urge to just cut cut cut.

but i know that's wrong, and i'm going to go eat cookies instead, because cookies are my anti-drug.  anti-cutting.  anti-um.  "go-eat-cookies-instead-of-super-bad-shit".

i don't understand it right now, as today was kind of a not shitty day as far as things go, so this popping up again is weird.  i'm kind of used to this being the thing that gets me when my brain is super frazzled and i feel pushed into a really bad corner.  none of that is true today.  this seems like it's a bad thing.  if i can slip into super-crazy without a trigger, how do i know that i can hold back the super-crazy that i've fought in the past?

:-/  i hate brains.