Tol and Smol

 i'm not sure this is a thing, but i wrote it, so whatever.

ugh

 holidays mean i have to pretend to be normal enough to talk with family and friends and i just don't feel up to it this year.

my brain did at least decide to provide me with a nice dream:

i'm hiking, with work people i think.  we've reached some weird part where there's a bridge in the path made out of a tree (somehow).  you have to climb up one trunk to the peak where there's a trunk that connects to the ground, and then climb down a third trunk back to the path.

i climbed up the first part, but when i got to the middle, someone pulled me to the side and told me i couldn't do it like that.  i'm taken to this mall like place next to the hiking trail, and bustled around through a bunch of rooms and people until i'm eventually in one large room, and i've been stripped naked.

that's when the Dominatrix appears, and gives some order to someone else, and i again get bustled through a bunch of rooms, and when i'm returned to her, i have a chastity belt strapped on.  she's super angry about this, because that wasn't her order.  it's removed, and she slides a catheter in (with far less pain than it probably causes in real life), and then forces me down to push a double balloon enema plug into my butt.

that's somehow what i'm supposed to use on the hike, and it kind of makes sense in the dream?  something happens here (i think i woke up a bit), and when it's clear again, the sun is down, and it's closing time.  the Dominatrix returns, and tells me that if i've joined the Spaghetti Club, i can go have dinner with someone else (she looks kind, and i realize i am hungry).  i try to explain that i don't know what's going on, but i'm totally happy to sign up for whatever, because i have a week of vacation left, and would rather do fun stuff here than continue hiking.

the Boss arrives, and she brings all my clothes and things stuffed in a bag.  i dig out my credit card, and hand it over, and have to recite something word for word back to her, and then she swipes it and i put it back in the bag before it's taken away.  i don't know how much it costs, but it sounds like it'd be fun.

there's another lapse, and it's much later at night.  i'm sleeping on a kitchen table, which is really thick, and super shiny with all the varnish.  i wander around, and finally find the room the Dominatrix is in, and she rushes to the door.  "sorry, i'm with someone else right now, i'll find you later.  unless he doesn't mind if you come in?"  i wander around some more before finding "my room."

when i wake up (actually, when i go back to sleep after turning off my alarm), i realize i have to bake my ham for dinner today (a real life thing that i didn't get to until 5pm).  i finally find the "kitchen," and try to follow all the instructions on the wall for turning on the oven.  the Dominatrix finds me, and helps me sort out the oven (which involves puzzles and all sorts of weird stuff, like the controls for the oven being attached to a third oven), and i get my ham in to cook.

unfortunately, that's when i woke up for real.  still, it was a really nice dream in which i had nice human contact with someone who was just 100% loving and supportive.

Institutional Review Board 2

Institutional Review Board 2
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

it seems that the first part of this has a lot of supportive comments on literotica, and i had a few more ideas for it, so: part 2.  i suspect there's a part 3.  eventually.

i didn't eat enough today and i disappoint everyone.

 :(

i hate everything.

reverse prayer bound

it's the canonical ponygirl tie.

it's inescapable and painful.

it's the most confining next to amputation.

so, ok.  Years ago.  i tried to do it, and it hurt, and made my shoulders hurt, and my scapula seemed to be in all the wrong places.

now?  i can go to the bathroom, pee, and stand up with my arms fully in position.  i can't get them up as far as the stories make it (finger tips around scapula tops at best), but is this actually an easy pose?

i'm not skinny.  i don't get this whole deal.  i thought it was impossible b/c of my attempts before, but is this something that unlocks as you get older???

~~~weird~~~~ 

ps: i'm trying to sort together a dream story.

pps: dyk that sriracha works pretty well on taco bell steak tacos?  surprisingly well.

weighted blankets are just bondage for boring people

i bought one last year, and it's cold enough now that i pulled it out again.  i'd forgotten how much it squishes me down, and spent a most of the afternoon napping underneath it.  it was during that long nap that i realized it does the same thing that really nice, low-stress bondage does:  you can't move as much as you want, so you have to be calm and relax.

it's totally not the same as the terrors i come up with.  there's no vacuum sealed rubber, no epoxy and concrete block holding me permanently immobile, no layers of plastic and tape locking my body still.  but there's still the same cozy "hug" that is in my mind when i dream them up.

anyway, just something that i thought up while snuggling all day long.

long story or many short parts?

any opinions?  the story i'm working on now has a 4 chapter structure, and i'm torn between doing it as one big thing or four smaller things.  i finished part two today, so the word counts are ~2600, ~2100 right now.  the benefit of a long thing is that i think that's easier to stay motivated to write.  the benefit of the short ones is that it makes the story seem longer, without needing to devote a giant block of time for reading.

maybe i should just write it as one, and release it as four?  then what happens if part 3 is boring?

ugh

Institutional Review Board

Institutional Review Board
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

i know this is similar to other stories, even ones i've written, but i want more fiction like this, so if i have to write it, i guess i'll do that.

--

The Cell

a lot of this is fragments that were kind of the foundations for a story that never worked.  this morning i decided to just take the bits i had, and put them together without worrying about "reasons" and "characters" and stuff like that.  this is clearly influenced by some of Thndrshark's stories, along with my own inherent weirdness.

The Cell
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/2020/07/the-cell.html

Dream: June 21, 2020

Dream: June 21, 2020
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com

--

i fucking hate everything

most of the time, i can just ignore the fact that i'm going to die alone.  it's not really a big deal most of the time.

but then sometimes i remember that, and wonder how everyone else found people and got married and all that shit.

so i looked up some 'how do you date when you're an adult', and one of the suggestions some asshole came up with was 'i asked 20 of my friends to set me up with a friend.'

who the fuck has 20 friends that they can ask that kind of thing?  is that a thing people do?  people have enough friends that they can choose "only 20" of them for something like this?




i probably need to go back to therapy or try new drugs or something, b/c i'm probably more suicidal than i'm willing to admit.

but seriously

i try my absolute fucking best

if i can make a story reach a conclusion, i'll do it, but

it turns out ending a story is hard, and there are really no good places for it.

so i try to make things semi-"timeless", where it doesn't matter if it's 1992, 2002, 2012, or 2022.

i get that that isn't totally accurate, and some of my things aren't still in date.  but choosing this crutch is there to attach my fantasies to a static concept that more people can relate to.

so

asking me if a story i've started is going to finish sucks.

it's like the most offensive thing you can think of, but done publically so everyone can see the details.

i'd like to finish my incomplete things.  i'd like to get it all right.

i'd like to be famous, and be able to write porn for a living.

i'd like for my fantasies and porn to be common enough to promte my own employment.






of course, none of that is true

so I have to deal with the yeehaw world i'm born in.

i'm so tired...









godspeed

a new story?

maybe.

this was another dream fragment that i embellished and made make sense.  i have more that could be future chapters, but i'm worried it'll get stuck in my head like all my other stories seem to do.  maybe i just need to bite off smaller chunks, and leave things hanging if i can't make the words work right.

anyway, here's the start of a story that might never be finished, let me know if you enjoy it.

also, like in all the movies, this is a "not based on anyone or anything or any whatever, it's all made up fiction and stuff" kind of thing.  so don't try to wizard-of-oz it and figure out who is william jennings bryant or whatever.

Prison.com: Prologue

The Prison.com: Prologue
sammy_808@live.com
http://sammytriesagain.blogspot.com/p/my-stories.html

--

one of those days

where i kind of just want to curl up on my couch and cry for a few hours.

no real reason why.

just feel like maybe it's time for tears.

:(

i'm thinking maybe i should try dating again

i'm not getting younger, and i can feel myself getting older.

did you know that joints actually are shitty?  it's true.

not super happy about the middle age acne either, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

any advice?  i guess tinder is the thing now?  can i just post a few pics and a "hey, i'm weird and crazy, but i'd like to not die alone" or is that weird and crazy?

and how do you be like "i'd like to have an intimate partner to share my life and triumphs with, but if you'd be ok with me just hiding under a blanket for a a few hours a day, that'd really be wonderful."

so yeah.  hedgehog's dilemma and all that.





i wish we just had government mandated triads to belong to.  stupid anti-collectivists forcing us into a socially divisive capitalist nightmare.

i will one day finish this story

and the others.

i'm just awful and slow about things, and i'm busy at work, but like, actually enjoying work and the busy-ness it entails, so that's weird but good?

but i've had tabs open for like a month, so here's some stories you should read instead:

Pony Girl
Pony Girl 2
Dungeon Museum
Dungeon Museum 2

i'm way behind on this one, but here's chapter 9 of Gumdrop.  i need to catch up, because it's awesome.

that one came from Steel Rapt Stories, which is a wonderful way to discover new stories, and i'm pretty sure i know who is running it, but that's not important, how great the stories are that are curated there is.

finally, i've gotten caught up in the stories of DjEtla. these are way more extreme, which probably means i should relax more and not stress out about work, but this is me ignoring sense and pushing my brain as hard as i can.

i did finally figure out how to solve the problem i had

i couldn't figure out how to get past a story blocker.  i knew what i wanted to have happen, i just couldn't figure out how to make it happen and seem normal.  conveniently, i also really wanted to put in a reference, but felt it might be out of place.

turns out (b) solves problem (a) perfectly.

so now i just have to write it down.

--

i had a dream last night.  i was a cop (yeah, right), and we were called out to investigate this old factory in the middle of a farm.  or at least surrounded by crops.  there were all sorts of weird things at the factory, but nothing was illegal, so we had to leave.  the "weird things" were like metal train rails embedded in the floor, and a bunch of steel chairs and posts and things that could only move along the rails.  the two weirdest things were a huge cage and an area where a bunch of chairs had been arranged around a stage, which also had a cage welded onto the floor (all of this stuff was on the rails).  when we were leaving, we saw some people in the distance, but couldn't ask them questions because nothing illegal was happening.

so we left, and the cops/we decided to circle around and look through the fields.  i then got there (because dream) from a bar, and so i was kind of drunk, we start searching the fields, and find a bunch of dead bodies hidden, and start to investigate when we're attacked.  i get one of the guns out of the cop car trunk, but it doesn't work against a big scary guy who comes down the road.  i pass out, and when i wake up, i find that i'm naked and handcuffed in my cop car, but one of the guys from the factory is driving it.  i'm taken back to the factory, and put into one of the cages, which is too heavy for me to move.

there's a bit about the weird 7-11 place inside the factory, and i make fun of the guys because the dream logic is breaking down, and they don't like that, but like, one whole wall just doesn't exist now, and that's not the right way to run your illegal prison camp, i mean, seriously, are you people even good at anything?

and then i woke up.

--

today somebody else favorited my pettification story on hf, and when i looked at their profile, i saw that they charge people to write stories at like $1/100 words.  that made me look at how long my stories are, and i'm apparently dumb for giving away free porn.

oh well.

haha! i'm garbage!

first up: wow.  good job, me, not pulling out edit notes when you told me you were going to do that!  great, that one person has been like, "uh, sammy, probably a mistake?"

so, hey:

all you

want to edit?  mostly it's "that's not a word, sammy" and "who is this 'captain jerkbutt' character?" and "jfc, is this supposed to have text, or am i just supposed to accept [this comment in square brackets] junk."  this is a serious request for people who can read and note obvious errors quickly.

i can do this too, but i take drugs now, and although they make it so i can re-read things, they also make it super frustrating to wait for a calm me to arrive and reread.

so, hey, anyone interested?

second: whoops, i guess i need to add porn to chapter 3, because my outline just fucked up and put in a bunch of socialist organizing.

this isn't an editable thing, just a warning that it's going to be way left-er than you might expect.

conform or fuck off.  i seriously don't give a fuck which you do.

third: this might end up being less sexy.  when i follow the intentions and drives out, they don't end up quite as sexy as i would like.

i mean, there's lots of predictive "whoa!  this is going to get super HHHOOOTTT!!!"

but, maybe not?

is that a problem?  if i bill myself as a pornographer, but instead deliver manifestos, does that detract from my pornography?

or do i just allow that people who can't accept egalitarian porn are really just assholes?

a new chapter

An Unhappy Day.

i'm about to go on vacation this weekend, so either i put up what i have done, or it sits for another two weeks.

i don't know why chapter 2s are always so hard for me to get through.  we'll see if the third chapter can get done in a reasonable amount of time.