"but, sammy, what about the crazy?"
honestly, i'd rather just try to cope as much as i can than go back there. being told over and over that "maybe a bit of exercise would help" isn't helping. i know i'm fat. i know how fat i am pretty much everyday. did you know most bathrooms have mirrors? apparently my therapist doesn't!
"she's trying to help."
no. i don't buy this. honestly, if i'm being honest? i think she's all "well, you went to a fancy school, but you're still messed up, so maybe you're just not that great."
duh. i mean. fuck you, bitch.
i know i'm not that great. this is me, telling you how much i have panic attacks when i can't think of something to have for dinner. my brain sucks, and i hate it, and i hate me, and you know what? i hate you more than all that put together.
and it's not that fancy of a school. i just didn't decide to start putting letters after my name because i paid $12000 to a "registrar".
registrar is a weird word. why do we have it?
so
tl;dr: i'm going to try to treat my insanity with alcohol and probably more stories. but, really, you have to understand how hard it is to write when you're crazy. it's not fun. just
lots of not fun.
sorry.
i love you, yesterday sammy, and when you sober up and read the comment this email makes, i'm still going to secret love you in my heart!
ReplyDeletebecause we're just so fucking messed up that we have to be together!
together!!!!
I've always wondered about exercise.
DeleteSome of the best periods of my life were when I was exercising on a regular basis.
What I wonder about is, was I doing well because I was exercising, or was I able to motivate myself to exercise because I was doing well?
I will give it credit for solving some of my past problems with insomnia, but I feel like exercise has become some sort of blanket advice that doctors hand out when they are really at a loss as to what to say. So I suppose I feel like that's a bit like giving a broken clock credit for being right twice a day.
My personal feeling on the word registrar is that back in the days of yore a couple of drunk English guys had a conversation about what to call a person your register with, started to say "regist..." and then started to vomit. After that it just kinda stuck.
I find that a large amount of the oddities in the English language make perfect sense if you just assume they were created by a couple of Shakespearian era blokes over a massive amount of very warm beer.
Jesse, as in the Jesse who doesn't exercise regularly.