get this super panic feeling that just shows up for no reason, and you just have to coast through it, because you can't just get xanax to have forever unless you agree to sit down and do therapy again?
like
everything gets all tunnel vision, and you have the shaky arm stuff, and you just sit and stare blankly, hoping that your heart will just stop and kill you before you have to deal with people who will totally notice how off you are?
and then people show up, and start talking, and you turn your brilliant gaze at them, and they look like they're in this oval frame of shining light, but you have to strain to hear them, because you have those bees in your ears?
and then they go away, and you sit for an hour trying to remember what you said, and trying to figure out if your arm was really shaking as much as you think it was, because if it was, there's really no way anyone who isn't blind could have missed that shit, right?
and then you look at your work computer, and realize you have so much to do before the deadline, but you can't get that into you head, especially with this shining frame and difficulty getting the mouse to stay still.
sorry.
just
so much panic being pushed into my tiny brain. i really wish i had more xanax. is that me being a druggie?
do i even care at this point?
:-/
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