you could have someone
maybe they're assigned to you
so you could flail around like usual
but if you get to be
like
um
thirty-ish
you just get told
"nope, you're part of this family now"
and then you'd probably be their bitch, right? this cunt assigned to you to take care of? not a lot of love there.
but, you get this person.
and that person gets to be owned, and hopefully loved,
such that they don't have to cry themselves to sleep every night, and wish they could fight this social anxiety demon that is always poking their eyes.
a locked cage is better than a comfy bed, right? as long as you know in the morning someone who loves you will let you out. i live with the triumph of a comfy bed. knowing i'll wake up to despair and sorrow.
sorry for the lameness tonight. just. i hate life, and being lonely, and sucking at dealing with people. not your problem, i know, but if i don't share, then this all builds up inside. follow the tumblr. it's all me reblogging pics and stuff. so. that's there if you just want porn. i'm trying to come up with a new porn story, but my brain can't get anything organized. yes, sure, there's that candle one. but it's kind of shitty, so i'm hoping for another one.
anyway
have a good sunday, ok?
love sammy
*hugs* stay strong ok?
ReplyDeletethanks a lot. i know i need to not crumble all the time when life is sucky.
Deleteit's just hard a lot of the time, so when it gets too much, i write a lame blog post about it.
but honestly, wouldn't forced families be kind of cool? sure, a lot of the time, they'd not work, and you'd just tell the government that that fucking sucked, but like, that nsa thing? they probably know me and you and everybody more than we'd think they do. so why not use all that stuff and computers and shit to tell everyone who they're probably bffs with?
i mean, sure, great, you're fighting secret wars and whatever.
but my life is sucky, and if you could use that shit to fix that, that'd be great.
and besides, i really don't care about whatever you think doing war shit is important about. because, you know...sucky life...
anyway, this was kind of a ranty rant rant. sorry. yes, i'm trying to be the best sammy my sammy can be. :D thanks for all the kind thoughts!
super loves at you!
There's something really beautiful about what you wrote, Sammy... I know you are battling your brain and all, but I think you're pretty amazing. F'd up and everything.
ReplyDeletethanks!
Deletei _know_ you're super awesome, because i can read about how you're super awesome has made something cool.
and all the other stuff i wrote here and then deleted sounded dumb to me. so it's all gone now. but the love i'm sending to you is still real. :)
If only the world worked to allow people to be put with those that would love and care for them... no matter what way they show it. I have been lurking around this blog for a bit, and I do enjoy your taste in images, and your stories are rather enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteThough I think I kinda have a soft spot in my heart after reading your honest posts about yourself and your posts about your daily struggles. A part of me really wishes I could help, I do not really know much I could do other than wishing you luck that kismet will smile upon you, and to tell you that you are never alone in the world, it just is hard to see people around you at times.
And that I bet you would make a wonderful family pet to someone.