i had 27 people visit me on okcupid. but like, all of them were 51% matches. that's like saying "you're terrible, sammy, so here are some terrible people you won't like to date. enjoy being miserable"
and that's why i avoid my online dating shit. i set it up, and then let it roam free, because i'm sure no one will ever love me the right way.
"oh, sammy, that's not true!"
you're nice, and that's nice, but we both know that i'm damaged, right? you'll do everything i ask, but when i ask you to do something new, you'll be stunned, and i'll be hurt, and the drama will overcome everyone.
if you know someone who might be depressed or whatever, realize that this is totally how they see things. because i do exactly that. the more you get close to me, the more i push away.
hedgehog dilemma.
anyone know a fix?
First, I would say drop OKCupid, it's not perfect, and no amount of commercial will convince.
ReplyDeleteTry alternative dating sites like http://www.gk2gk.com/ or use Fetlife to try and find someone more in line with your interests
i know okc is shitty, but it was free, and my friends were all "try that one that matches on 9999 levels", but that cost money, and was kind of gay unfriendly.
Deletei've never heard of this gk2gk one, so i'll look at that. fetlife seemed like a good idea, but the hawaii/honolulu people are all super drama-y. like, you have to be friends with x, and then you're against y, but they all get together and be passive agressive every few weeks. it's tiring, and not worth my time. i want to meet someone who doesn't mind my crazy kinks, but also doesn't care what other people think.
also: there are a bunch of people who are all "the only way to do this is to have a formal dinner where slaves are treated like shit so masters can feel good about themselves in their crappy jobs." if your job is why you're into this shit, you're doing it wrong.
blah..
sorry for ranting, but the fetlife people here are SOOOO ANNOOYYIINNGGGGSSS!
:-P
Dating sucks even in person. I had two dates with a wonderful girl recently, and she just stopped responding when I went to make a third. Guess things didn't go as well as I thought and she was done with me just like that.
ReplyDeleteIf it's something you really want, you'll keep looking and eventually you'll find it.
I think you and I both need to just relax, take some time (as much as time seems to be brutal) and "centre".. or some shit. Maybe I'm way off but I am just offering what advice I can. Maybe it will help.
yeah, it's things like that. i know i'm awkward. i know that when i meet someone i like, i freeze up and say dumb things. i'm not the cool girl who did cheerleading and played volleyball and stuff. i try to relax as much as possible, and my last date (like...um...a year ago) she even tried to relax me by massaging me, but i just tensed up even more. woo.
Deletebut, yeah, i think it's mostly that i'm scared, and that comes off to other people as "wow, this bitch is a jerk."
:-/
Start by relaxing on your own, then "around" other people but not actually with them (like alone but in public) and work your way up. I think it helps some.
DeleteWhen I'm nervous about social situations, I try to get into a "this is not important" mode. It's not easy, because it, well, it is important somehow how I behave and how other perceive me an so on; but it maybe even more important not to think about it all the time, tense up, and hinder thus one being authentic.
ReplyDeleteBut if you can get into a state of 'I don't care', it's easy to get into a kind of autopilot mode.
Matching sites usually suck, my opinion. I'd go with John March and use Fetlife, but it may be difficult if you've got a small, localized community with difficult real-life-hierarchies, as it may be in Hawaii...
Come to think of it, it resembles a bit the state of mind a doggygirl enters when she just let go of human reflection and just follow her instincts. Of course it helps a lot not to have to talk... ;)
Thanks to this conversation and a couple other things, I just joined FetLife.
ReplyDeletelol, i really wish i could find someone with the will necessary to bind me to a "just be a doggygirl" state of mind. that would certainly solve all my problems.
ReplyDeletebut, alas, so many people are all boring and constrained. :-/
maybe one day...